A little too early for this one!

So it's Friday morning, and I've over slept by fifteen minutes... which is not the end of the world but its the fifteen minutes of the morning that I have to myself before the rest of the house wakes, where I organize my thoughts, my day, and figure out what's for dinner.  I'm am just wiping the sleep out my eyes when in bounces E to the bathroom, wide awake and chatting away (like most mornings).

As I say good morning to him, he stripes out of his pajama bottoms and goes for a pee. I haven't even processed what day of the week it is, when he poses the following question:

Mommy, do girls have penis' too?

Me: (still wondering what day of the week it is)... Ahh no.
E: (not about to drop it) How come?

Me: (man I could use a coffee right now)... Because boys and girls are made differently.
E: So girls don't have penis'? (looking at me dead serious).

Me: No.
E: Really? So girls can't ever have penis'?

Me: (not even debating the long answer on this one)... No.
E: You mean its im-paw-sa-ble?

Me: (given that's its 6:15 am) Yes, its impossible.
E: Okay... can I get dressed now?

Me: (laughing) Yes.

I debated pulling out the Varsity Blues line of 'penis penis penis, vagina vagina vagina'... the one that rings through my head every time anyone says penis; but since it was a school day, and we are only a few weeks into school, I gasped at the thought of E sharing with the teacher or his friends something along the lines of '...like my Mom always says: penis penis penis'!! 

After my brains kicked in about thirty minutes later, I was thankful that the discussion ended with a simply yes and no answer. I have feeling the next time this subject comes up, I'm not going to get off so easy!

 

No more nice Mommy!

So, its official.
I'm not longer that nice Mommy... I'm the 'tough shit. listen to me now. I mean business' type Mommy.

Somewhere between the 'no-no babe' and 'please, don't do that' Mommy, emerged the 'STOP THAT RIGHT NOW', 'THAT IS ENOUGH' and 'THAT'S IT, GO TO YOUR ROOM' Mommy. It's like the latter has always been there, but I didn't realize it was only a simple flick of the switch for ... SHOW TIME!

Last week, as I mentioned in a previous post, was a trying week. E is generally a good kid, and I know all parents want to believe that their kids are good, when in fact some are not, but I really do know that, right now, E is fairly easy going, easy to please, not overly demanding, and listens for the most part, which in my books, makes him a good kid.  However, last week, he was really testing the limits. He was sick, and tired, and I was sick and tired of him being sick and tired, and so, with patience wearing mighty thin, I had raised my voice at him a couple of times to hammer home the point that I was no longer going to tolerate his acting out and most of all his not listening when I ask him to do something or stop doing something.

Now, I can make all the excuses in the book I want, but I know that he is just wanting attention for us, and more specifically me, because he knows my first obligation right now is to his baby brother (for obvious reasons). Its like three months ago E would have killed for more independence and now that I'm willing to give it to him (because frankly I have no other choice when I'm on my own with the two of them), he is reverting back to the 'Help Help Help' phase.

In addition when he doesn't get the attention he wants from me, he has started to do things that he knows are wrong and knows will create a reaction, like dumping an entire bag of goldfish crackers all over the coffee table, or fillng a glass of water from the water cooler and 'accidently' dumping some of it on the floor and then announcing 'uh-oh Mom-meeee'.

Cue out of nowhere: 'THAT IS ENOUGH EMERY, YOUR NOT LISTENING, YOU WILL GO TO YOUR ROOM IF THIS KEEPS UP'

To which I think to myself: Holy shit... where did that come from?
To which E thinks to himself: Holy shit... where did that come from?

Nonetheless he continues to push the limits with one thing after another and I finally snap... put his brother down mid-feeding (much to E's surprise) and march him up to his room, where I proceed to tell him to sit on his bed until he can listen. He defys and says No, and I persist with, Yes, and we go back and forth until he realizes I am not joking, I'm SERIOUS Mommy, and I'm upset. I close the door and tell him, you stay in here until you can say sorry and start listening to Mommy.

The screaming and whining continues from his room, while I watch from the video monitor to see he will do, and eventually (10 minutes later) he goes quiet and just stares at the door.  Finally he gets up the nerve to get off his bed, and opens the door quietly, to which he says in the most apologetic voice possible:

"Mom-mee... I saw-ree"

Talk about knocking me down a peg or too with that line. I wanted to cry just hearing the sympathy in his voice... but then I remember how I use to try and work my parents over with a sweet thing or two only long enough to piss them off again, and so I wisely said in a stern voice:

DO you think you can start listening to Mommy now?

E: Huh? Ya.

Me: Okay then, you can come out. Bring a book and we'll read it together.

Whoa! My first major discipline scene completed.... just like that! I didn't know I had it in me, but now that I do, I'm afraid of how often I'll be acting this one out. Probably only one or twice right? RIGHT?

Love Hate Tylenol

Dear Children's Tylenol.

I love you, I hate you.

I love you because when my child is sick, a small dose of you, and he starts to feel better.

I hate you because, it only takes a short while for you to actually work and before long he is acting like he just slammed a half litre of Mountain Dew, running around the house saying 'Mommy Mommy Mommy WATCH' for the umpteenth time.

Can we not work on something equally as effective, but not quite as sugar enhanced. And while your at, let's reduce the stain and stickiness factor too.

Sincerely,

Over-tired Mommy of Two!

The art of laying down a newborn!

If your a parent to a newborn you'll already know where I am going with this post. There is a fine art to laying a newborn down in a crib. I'm talking about those times when you rock a newborn to sleep and make the judgment call that the baby is sleeping soundly enough that he/she can be moved to the crib without waking.

Some of you may think it sounds easy enough, but I am definite when I say... hundreds of thousands of Mommies out there will share stories of attempted transfers gone wrong, resulting in more rocking and a second, third, or even fourth attempt at a successful transfer.

It's not easy. It requires skill, determination, and a bit of luck too.

I had forgotten about this in just two short years... but now that H is getting into a fairly predictable routine there are three or four times a day when I try to transfer him from my arms into his crib or onto the couch so that he can nap peacefully and I can accomplish my 'things that require two hands' to-do list.

To begin... when baby is showing signs of being tired, we start out rocking or bouncing around the living room in my arms. I give this phase anywhere from 3 to 13 minutes depending on his level of fussiness.  Once I consider him to be in a deep enough sleep, which is usually when his head tips back a bit and his soother is half out of his mouth, then I shift him on me into what I consider to be his best sleeping position (his stomach).  I get him into position and then I rock or bounce for another 2 to 3 minutes to ensure he's adjusted to the optimal position and has resumed his deep sleep.

Once we've gotten this far, I approach the crib slowly and ensure there are no blankets or objects in the way of my descent path. Then, I place one hand on his bum, one of the side of his head and I slowly lower him into the crib, while at the same time praying the soother does not fall out of his mouth and that no one 1. rings the doorbell, 2. slams cupboard door, 3. starts playing Melissa & Doug's Pound and Roll toy, or 4. runs into the room yelling 'Baby up Baby up' or 'Mommy WATCH Mommy WATCH'.  If none of these things happen, then I feel I am 99% home free, as I slowly remove my hand from under his face and silently do an NFL touch-down dance as I tuck a blanket over him.

I tip toe out of the room... and move slowly away from the door praying that such a smooth transfer has bought me a good hour to myself to get things done.

Of course... this tale of a successful transfer happens probably 33.3% of the time ... while the other 66.6% of the time I am cursing under my breath as the baby starts his 'not so fast Mommy' cry. It's hit and miss, but I do find the more I do it, the more successful I am becoming at the transfer, and the better I am becoming, the longer H is actually napping. 

Take for example today, he had a 2.5 hour nap this morning, followed by another 2 hour nap before supper. I was in HEAVEN with my two hands free for over four hours today.  Talk about a way to cap off the weekend!

Are you familiar with the fine art of laying down a newborn, do you have any special techniques or tips to share?

Single Stroller vs. Double Stroller: Advice for New Parents

Strollers, strollers, strollers... so many different brands, options, uses. My biggest regret from my first pregnancy was not researching strollers enough. I basically walked into Toys R Us one day after work, saw one that had Polka Dots on it and said 'that's the one I want'.  And 6 months later, my parents bought it for us as a gift for the baby.  It was a Graco travel system and worked well for us for E.  I love the snap and go travel system but it is bulky to load and unload and takes up a lot of space, and isn't the easiest thing to steer.  However, we love love love the car seat and its a bit oversized, so E had not problem using that car seat for his entire first year. He didn't grow out of it until he was over a year old (14 months to be exact), and the functionality of snapping the car seat into the stroller was awesome (and still is as I am using it with H now).

However... while the travel system was great for the newborn phase, when we stopped lugging the snap and go car seat around and started taking E in and out of his car seat, the stroller portion of that system wasn't as ideal. We soon went to the Baby Trend jogging stroller and I really love that stroller.  It was also a gift from PC's parents and we have definitely gotten a lot of use out of it, but again its fairly big to load and unload and takes up a good portion of the trunk.  Not ideal for long road trips if you have a lot of other luggage and baggage to use but is good for all terrains and was great for going to the park and just walking in general with it, such a smooth ride. 

In addition to those two strollers, we went out and bought a middle of the pack umbrella stroller... it was also a Graco and folded compactly but had a good recline on it and a nice size sun canopy... it was around $130 and we honestly used it a lot with E, especially between 9 and 18 months. I would say we wore that stroller down, the wheels are pretty beat up and over time the steering has become difficult, but because its so compact, its the stroller I love to take with me, because I can always have it in my car, if I need it, but can also SHOP SHOP SHOP without any problems.

SO... if you've kept count, we have 3 strollers, the travel system, a jogging stroller, and an umbrella stroller.  While all of these strollers have there uses, what each of them does not accommodate is a SECOND CHILD.  What was I thinking? I can tell you I wasn't thinking of a second child needing a stroller while my first child was still using one! If I had done my research and thought more about it, I would have put my money into a stroller that you could easily buy a second seat for or a car seat that was compatible with a double stroller, etc.

Our Baby Trend jogging stroller, now has a version with a matching car seat and then you can also buy the Sit N' Stand platform stroller that the car seat works with and it provides a place for your toddler to ride on.  It would have been an ideal purchase from the get-go, but now that we have all of these other strollers already in our possession it seems like a bit of a waste if we aren't having any more kids.

Now... that we have two kids, I am on the hunt for a double stroller, but I can't decide between a compact umbrella stroller (like the Maclaren Twin Techno), or sit n' stand platform type stroller.  E is at the point where he will most likely want to walk for a good part of our outings, which is great when PC and I are out together with them, but when its just me on my own I want something I know I can put them both in there seats and they'll be controlled and not running out to play in traffic!  I also am torn between having a spot for E to ride in vs. having a place for him to lay down and nap.  Take for example our trip to Florida, if we go out for the day, he is still napping and would most likely fall asleep but with a Sit N' Stand platform, he can only sit and ride not rest. A double umbrella stroller would allow him a place to sit and to rest. 

The other dilemma is that I am wondering how long E will be in the phase where he would actually sleep in a stroller. Do I buy the double umbrella stroller that's only good to use for a year or less, only to have to go out and get the platform stroller for the later years? I know it I buy a good double umbrella stroller, I can probably re-sell it, especially if we only use it for 9 months, but its the all the wondering if its even worth it to buy it in the first place.

Then... once E is old enough to not need a place to rest or ride, I will be back to needing a decent single umbrella stroller... which if you remember from above our single umbrella stroller is DONE.

Honestly, strollers are my worst nightmare lately. And reading online about traveling with a newborn and a toddler isn't helping either as many people are staying to put the baby in a carrier or a sling on you, and take a single umbrella stroller for your toddler - if he doesn't want to ride in it, you can use it for the newborn - which seems like a great plan, except I will want to get a new single umbrella stroller!

If you managed to stay engage this far down in the post, I would say my advice to new parents would be to invest in a decent multipurpose stroller that has room to grow with you.  You can upsize it when you have the need for two kids, and down size it when you only need it for one child. I think while big bulky strollers are comfy and very useful for your everyday neighborhood outings, they aren't good for long trips where cargo space is limited, so you will most likely need a good umbrella stroller too.

If you've had a similar experience with strollers or have found the perfect solution to not owning enough strollers to start my own store, please let me know. I would love some help in figuring out which investment to make before investing my life savings in strollers!

Aww Sh#t!

Around our house, its no secret that PC and I like to throw out an f-bomb or a few other occasional swears mixed in with our daily conversations.  We both often say 'sh#t' or 'f@#k' if we've:

• forgot something
• dropped something
• remembered something
• stepped on something
• broke something
• kicked something
• stubbed something

The list goes on!

As many of you probably know, when you have a two year old in the house, everything you say gets repeated.  I like to think I am little better than PC when it comes to swearing in front of children. I think about what I'm saying before I actually say it. PC on the other hand, has no filter, and if he's thinking it, it's already coming out of his mouth.

This morning, while I was trying to get the last 20 minutes of sleep for the day before H woke up to feed, I overheard PC trying to get E out the door to daycare. He was also trying to get himself out the door to work. PC must have forgot something when I overheard the following conversation:

PC: C'mon on Goose, let's go.
E: Daddy, choo-choo track (as in where is? I want to take it to daycare).

PC: Let's go.

Door opens...

PC: Awww SHIT.
E: Shout? Shout Daddy?
PC: Yes, shout (*chuckling*).

PC goes down stairs...

E: Shout. Aw shout. Shout Daddy. Shout.

PC comes back up stairs...

E: Shout.
PC: Yes, Emery, Shout. Daddy said shout, now let's go.
E: Choo-choo track?

Door slams.

And its forgotten.  I was having a laugh upstairs to myself as H starts crying - to which I thought 'Awww shit, he's up', but didn't say a word.

I have to admit I had the same experience with E the week before when I was home by myself with the boys. I was feeding H on my bed, and E was on the bed beside me watching Wiggles. I went to grab for something off the nightstand and I dropped it, to which I reacted 'Shit' and my little repeat replied 'Shout Mommy? Shout?'.   Yes, shout - shout shout shout!

It's tough adjusting vocabulary when your so use to talking like that... but I think PC and I both need to learn that the time is now or else we'll have two boys on our hands that say 'Awww SHIT' when they drop a cheerio - and we drop a lot of cheerios in this house!

Things I've forgotten in two short years!

It's only been a little over two years since E was a newborn... and now just three weeks into my second run with a new baby in my life, I have forgotten quite a few things, like:

• how often you have to change a newbies diaper... we're talking every two to three hours, as opposed to every 24 with a potty training two year old!
• how much time you spend on your laptop while breastfeeding... geesh I have read every blog five times daily in the last three weeks!
• how little you can actually accomplish in a day when you have a newbie in your arms 18 of the 24 hours in a day.
• how much time you have to ponder what you would do, if you only you had a free minute, hour, afternoon!
• how amazing it is to have a newborn in your arms that stares contently at you.
• how great it feels to rock my sweet baby boy to sleep and then gently lay him in his crib (while secretly wanting to pick him back up and snuggle him just a little more).
• how much I value a decent stint of uninterrupted sleep.
• how there are never enough soothers in the house... there should be at least 2 to 3 in every room of the house, including the garage and laundry room!
• how much time in a week you think about your infant and their poop schedule.
• how there is no such thing as 'my time' in the first few weeks at home.
• how great it is to have enough time in a day to shower AND blow dry my hair.
• how great it feels when I can actually make a decent supper and serve it at a half decent hour (which has happened once since I've been on my own)!
• how guilty you feel when you have a sleeping baby and you'd rather take a nap then run around the house trying to accomplish your daily to-do list.
• how maddening it is when you just get to take a nap and the doorbell or phone rings!
• how great it feels to just get out of the house for an hour to do groceries - yes groceries has become exciting again.
• how much you appreciate the small things your husband can do... like clean off the kitchen table, put gas in the car so I don't have to make an extra stop, pick me up a coffee on his way home - PC you are the best!

The list goes on let me tell you...I thought I remembered the change in pace for the most part, but clearly there are things have slipped my mind! 

The good news/bad news is that its such a short period of time - and it flys by... so just when I am starting to adjust to the changes, I'll blink and I'll be in a new phase, wishing I was suddenly back in the old phase!

Ooooh, the ups and downs of mommyhood - but I still wouldn't trade it for the world, and here's the main reason - just look at that precious face!

Terrific Twos (with a hint of sarcasm!)

Let's talk Terrific Twos.

My baby boy is two weeks away from the glorious celebration, and in the last three weeks he has shown me that he's changing from a sweet little innocent boy to an independent yet dependent and stubborn, but cute, toddler boy.

While I want to fight and defy all the changes he is going through, I know it will just be easier if I accept them, deal with them, and move on.

Since we returned from a great two week vacation at the cottage, things have just been out of whack for E. While I feel we've gotten our household back into a regular routine, that regular routine for E has been filled with tears, stubbornness, NOs, and more tears.

He returned to daycare on the day the girls were heading back to school. Not only were the three girls in school, all day everyday, his best buddy Riley, was also starting kindergarten and no longer was at daycare. In addition to those changes, he has a new buddy at a daycare, a younger boy who isn't quite as active (yet) as Riley was, and it all seems to be a little overwhelming for him.

For the first time in a year of dropping him off, I received a measuring cup full of tears, with the arms out, and the sobbing 'Momma' as I leave him there for the day and head off to work. Talk about break my (pregnant) heart (although I am getting over it now that we are on day 14 of this routine!).

He goes from crying and sobbing in the mornings, to the complete opposite display of 'I don't want to come home' when we pick him up at night. Its frustrating, yet par for the course, I know.

At home... we've gone from an independent boy who is fine to play on his own, to the 'Mom, Mom, MOM' until you can give your full attention to him. It's the 'you gotta see this' type beckoning that he is into, but when you provide your attention, all you get is a smile and the batting of the 'I'm so cute, I love you' eyes. Its the same when Daddy's in the room too.

The terrific twos also include the 'want what I want ... and NOW' display of emotion. If you tell him NO for any reason - like 'No E, we don't have ice cream cones for breakfast or lunch, its a treat, not a meal'. A mountain of tears ensue, and you swear he was just sentenced to life in prison without parole. You have to spend the next 10 minutes of your time either listening to him get over it, or talking to him about a completely different subject that you know makes him happy, but that doesn't remind him that he wanted a 'cone'.

Listening is also part of the terrific twos, as in, 'I only hear you Mom when you are offering me something I want or allowing me access that I can't otherwise obtain by myself'. The 'stop right there', 'don't do that', and 'your gonna hurt yourself' all receive the same type of 'I can't hear you' looks.

Let's see, what else is so terrific about turning two...?!

I am sure there are many parents out there who have experienced what I am talking about - and probably worse. I also recognize that its probably just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the daily battles of raising a two-year old, but I guess the biggest thing I am trying to get over is that my once sweet little boy is now beginning his decent from babyhood to toddlerhood. And with all the tears and NOs that this transition entails, its just hard to believe this all happened right under my nose.

Where has the time gone?!

Daycare Express Lane!

Here's a typical end of day scenario for me:

It's 4:00 pm.

I look at the clock and think, time to pack-up... but it takes me another 10 minutes to actually pack-up, say goodbye to my team members and head out the door.

By the time I get to my car in the parking lot, I start the car and the clock reads '4:16 pm' - and I immediately think 'ahhhhhhhhhhh'.

I work in the west end of Ottawa... and if you know Ottawa, you know I have to battle traffic on Hunt Club, day in, day out. Specifically traffic at Hunt Club and Prince of Wales - it brutal - no matter what time of year, what time of day, or what the weather is like.

On a good day... and were talking a good tail wind - it takes me 45 minutes door to door without any major mishaps along the way. So... in reality and with the stars aligned I have to be in the car by 4:15 pm if I am going to make it to daycare for 5pm - the absolute latest I can pick E up.

Lately, I have been pushing the limits... sometimes the clock reads '4:18' or god forbid '4:21'. In those cases, if I am going to make it to daycare on time I have to experience a few miracles along the way.

Enter: Daycare Express.

It's a side road once you exit at Embrun, and its filled with many cars driving at the same quick speed for the same purpose - the on-time daycare pickup. Once you hit this road, you know you have a hope of making your destination on time.

When I am driving on this road, rarely do I ever get stuck behind a slow-moving vehicle - because like me, all of the other drivers on the Daycare Express have their pedal to the medal. And its quite refreshing to see that others are in the same boat as me!

I feel as though the 417 (major highway in Ottawa) should also have a Daycare Express lane... because we parents don't mess around in traffic when it comes to the threat of paying $2.50 for every five minutes we are late, or worse in some cases, a $1.00 a minute.

I have to confess, I have been late a 'few' times, but I have the a daycare provider who is fairly tolerant - but no one likes to abuse that tolerance, especially not me.

In order to avoid being late everyday, I drive like a mad woman. I feel as though I should have a flashing light that says 'MOVE - I'm daycare pick-up duty,' - and then other drivers will know to move the bleep outta the way!

In the morning on my way to work, I am happy to let people in, in the line of traffic, or keep my cool if someone cuts me off. On the way home - entirely different story ... you cut me off, you can expect to pay! And now with pregnancy hormones in the mix... you seriously don't want to get up in my grill on my way home, I'm a loose canon and I could go off at any time - just try me!

Thank heavens for the Daycare Express road... many days it has saved me or at least got me there at 5:01 - but talk about a tense ride home. Every time I have to tap the brakes in the car, my blood pressure rises just a little as I watch the clock tick. It's an enormous stress!

Is it just a newbie parent thing, or is everyone who is faced with daycare duties a little stressed about the on-time pick-up? Do you have Daycare Express route that you rely on - or are you much more organized than me and just leave ON TIME, instead of 5 minutes late!

Now approaching: Back to work!

Oh...it been one of those weeks, or is it one of those months!

As you may know, this is my last month of maternity leave, and its really bitter sweet. Each day I spend with E this month, I feel so overwhelmed... and in the sense that I have so much I want to do in the next few weeks to prepare myself for going back to work, but also the fact that I know my full-time days with E are numbered (18 to be exact). He is learning so much each day... he is really in the explore and discover stage, and spending time with him and teaching him things is so important to me, but there isn't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything, and by the time bedtime comes at night, I am exhausted.

I was feeling really great about going back to work, I have met my new boss and she seems like a fantastic person, who I am excited to work with and to get to know better. I think I will like getting back into the routine of work, and having the business structure in a day, where I can actually feel like I am contributing to something other than washing bottles, changing diapers, picking up cheerios, will be a good thing.

But... the closer I get to my return to work date, the more I am feeling anxious about how it is all going to work. At present, E is sleeping in until 8:30 or 9am (I know ... no sympathy there!), and with the back to work schedule, he will have to be dropped off at daycare by 7am. Not to mention have his breakfast, get changed, in addition to myself getting up, getting ready, and out the door. I think I know myself, and I suck with mornings in general, so you can imagine just how excited I am to roll out of bed at 5:30am everyday to make this all work.

It's change, and I know no matter how much anyone says they like change (I am one of those people), I think I will actually hate it, until we do it for a few weeks, and I realize, it can be done.

The actual upside of all of this, is that the daycare provider we have found for E is someone I feel really comfortable with, and sending him to daycare is not at all what bothers me, its just getting him there and getting him picked up on time, plus having dinner and getting ready for the next day to do it all over again.

I think it doesn't help that this week E is sick, and I have accomplished close to nothing on my to-do list, because I have been busy wiping his nose, rocking him to sleep, reading stories, and just cuddling him. It tugs at my heart strings, and its times like this that makes me ask the age old question, which is better... the working Mom or the stay at home Mom?

I don't want an answer to this question, because my reality right now is that I will be the working Mom. But, I have LOVED this last year, and if money was not an object, I think I would choose to stay home another few years with E, as it really is a privilege to see him develop from a baby to a toddler, and then to a pre-schooler. However, having said that, I do think there is something to be said about doing something outside of being a Mom, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a job, but a hobby or an interest that gives you that extra 'me' time, that everyone, mother or not, should really have!

Yes... the days are flying by, and on top of wrapping my mind around going back to work, I am grappling with the reality that E is turning 1. I think my life is going to fly by, if the years continue to go by as fast as this one has. Those country songs that talk about when your kids were young and then you wake up one day and they are 25 and getting married - I feel like that is exactly what is going to happen to me!

Can you see how my mind is working these days... all over the map, so many thoughts to keep me busy from morning til night.

Did anyone else have similar feelings or anxieties about going back to work after being off on a maternity leave? How did you cope?

A change in tone!

Do those of you remember back when your child was just a few minutes old, and the things you use to say him/her from that point forward? You know... things like 'your so precious, your beautiful, your just perfect'. You would say the nicest things to your baby in the 'I love you so much, your the most precious thing on earth to me' tone.

I faithfully used that tone for 9 months... but somewhere between 9 and 10 months, I developed this 'I love you so much, your the most precious thing on earth to me, BUT if you do that one more time, I am going to lose my mind' tone.

I find myself losing the infancy tone... the tone that says 'you couldn't do a single thing wrong, because your just so cute and lovable'... the tone that is so reassuring, so wonderful to use, so exciting to hear.

Yes... that tone has packed it's bags, loaded up the car, and taken off for a long long vacation. That tone has paid last month's rent, returned to keys... just in time for me to rent out the place to the 'if you do that one more time, the neighbours are gonna call the cops on me' tone.

I am not sure when this happens... there was no warning, but I almost wish that I had been warned, as I would have savored the final mutterings of the loving tones if I had known they would die an abrupt death!

E isn't by any means bad... but he's busy. He's more curious, he's more adventurous, and he knows how get a rise out of me. The last couple of days, I have been trying to bring back the infancy tone, but I am learning that if I don't use the 'drop it or else' tone he just laughs and does it again as if its okay. There is such a fine line for teaching discipline, without in fact, having the neighbours call the police on you!

You've been there... right? Tell me you've been there!

Don't touch, stop, NO!

If I had a dollar for every time I said 'Don't touch', 'Stop', 'No'... I could afford to stay home long after E starts high school.

Honestly... I sound like a broken record, and I know its only going to get worse, as we have just started into this phase (which some parents will say lasts 18 years)!

E is fairly good at listening right now (I will probably groan when I read this in 6 months). You raise your voice the tiniest octave and he looks at you funny... thinks about what he is doing, and either tries it again while still looking at you or moves on without thinking twice about what he was just doing.

When we returned home from vacation, I couldn't help but notice how much he has changed in the last month. Before we left he was crawling but you could keep him confined to the living room. Now he is all over the house, touching everything he can get his hands on, and pulling himself up on every unstable piece of furniture we own. Long gone are the days where I could whip up a blog post while he was playing happily on the mat. Sometimes I think he sees me open my laptop and that cues him to 'go wild', make noise, do something he knows he shouldn't (I actually love this, because it cements the fact that my blood is running through his veins)!

You gotta love the parenting magazines that advise on 'letting them explore their new world of freedom'. The ones that tell you to refrain from saying 'No', 'Stop' and 'Don't' ... but honestly, there is a small vocabulary of synonyms for these words - (and I can just see E in kindergarten telling his friends 'never'', 'halt', 'thou-shall-not') - and let's face it, they all mean the same thing at the end of the day.

I made a tweet about this exact topic, and I did get a few responses... most notably from a reader (should out to Baby Mama Kristy Boyd) who said that she uses 'Away please' and 'No thank-you'... which is more polite and something I wouldn't mind hearing E tell others when he does start talking. I need to train to myself to not immediately react with the standard words... but I usually blurt out Emery No. Emery Stop. Don't touch Emery, and then try to revise my statement to 'Emery, please stop touching that, how bout we play with x instead' - of course my good mothering statements always come second!

I am sure I am not the first nor the last new mom to deal with this... does anyone out there have any good advice for running interference when your baby is doing things you don't want them to be doing?

Back from va-cay!

I'm back.

Back from vacation (yes even those on maternity leave take vacation contrary to the belief that maternity leave is a year of vacation!)... and back to reality.

I have been trying to figure out what to bl0g about... the first post back should be a good one, but every time I think about blogging, I just feel like I have nothing to say.

Yes... we had a good couple of weeks on the road. We did a lot and yet we did nothing too, which was why it was so good. I think we were glad to get home after being gone a few days shy of a month... I have pictures out the ying-yang of E and all of things he did... but I am not inspired to write about those things right now - maybe because I feel like I have to cover three weeks of our busy lives into a single blog post (I will get to posting the pics, but not today!).

There are a gi-zillion things on my mind right now... most notably returning to work, the transition to daycare for E, my work wardrobe (!!!), my eating habits, how PC and I will adjust to me returning to work full-time, the cost of daycare, our extra-circular activities, the state of my house... this list goes on, and on, and on.

To update on a few things:

• Daycare: we found a wonderful lady who is going to watch E, she lives not to far from us, and just seems like a great person. She only watches one other little boy, so E will have a playmate, but yet will still be well-cared for which puts my mind at ease.
  

• The cost of daycare is such an opener... isn't it? I know that I do want to work, and that working vs. staying at home is much more profitable for our family, but nonetheless to think what we could do with the money we will be spending on daycare is such a scary thought - and more reason not to have another baby in the short term!

• Returning to work... a scary thought, but its going to happen. Here's the kicker... my return to work date is October 5th... a Monday which is nice, but E's FIRST birthday. I was like: are you kidding me? I feel very lucky to have been able to be off his entire first year, but that's a little harsh isn't it - sending me back on my first child's first birthday. I am going to see if I can work out a deal with my boss to maybe go in a day the week before and get set up and then be off with E on his special day - I will keep you posted.

• Speaking of going back to work... I feel like I will be starting a new job with my return. I think I can count on one hand the number of people that are still there from last fall. A lot and I mean A LOT of people have since taken other jobs in different departments. I know when I show up 90% of the staff will be like 'whose the new girl?', and I am sure that will piss me off cause I won't be in the loop, I will have to earn my way into the loop! The bright side is... its a new job that I *should* know how to do, so hopefully it won't be that bad - and I am looking forward to feeling like an expert on something other than E's daily schedule!

• I am slowly learning that 'keeping house' with a baby on the move is virtually impossible. How can someone so small make such a mess! On top of that, since the majority of the time I spend picking up after E, I don't have the energy to file the mail, put my own stuff away, or organize my way out of a wet paper bag. I seriously need to get a handle on this, or else I will never allow any visitors in my house again!

• My work wardrobe is such a task. I haven't wore dress clothes in over a year. I think I may have put on a pair of dress pants for Christmas Eve mass, but aside from that - nothing. I hate trying on clothes from a year ago while having to cross my fingers that I can still get the button done up on the waist. I did this last night, and surprisingly there were only two pairs of my 'skinny' pants that just don't fit - unless of course I don't plan on sitting down the entire time I am wearing them. PC and I did some shopping in the states while we were away and I purchased a couple of things for work ... but beyond that I am left wondering if I am going to look like a 'Mom' when I return to the office, instead of the young, hip, cool team member I was before I went on mat. leave (*laughs*) - this one is to be continued, I guess!

Alright, E is napping, while I am posting this (which is why I don't get anything done around the house)... so I had better get something to eat before he wakes up or else those skinny pants will be fitting in no time.

Hoping to get back on regular blogging now (no promises though), so check back again this week and maybe I will have some pics up from our vacation!

Cheers, and thanks for coming back.

Rights and Wrongs

As I am slowly learning the ways of parenting... I have got to thinking about a few things that I think I am doing right as a parent. But then of course comes a few things that I am doing wrong not so well.

I thought I'd share these thoughts... and if you'd like to share your own list of rights and wrongs in the comment section, I would love to read them!

In the interest of ending on a high note ... let's first review the wrongs:

1. The Soother
I don't necessarily think that giving E a soother has been bad choice... especially since when we brought him home from the hospital he was definitely in need of something to soothe him a bit more that what PC or I could offer him. The soother actually did provide him enough comfort to sleep better/longer stretches, but now 8 months later - I find myself giving him the soother in an effort to avoid him putting other things in his mouth. I have the feeling that this action is going to come back to bite me in the ass down the road. Why? I am not so sure, but the fact that E does not whine for it, yet I just give it to him when I don't want him to have other things in his mouth, this to me will have some kind of consequences down the road.

2. Gimme Gadgets
We are family of techno gadgets, ipods, blackberrys, laptops, cordless phones, wireless remotes, digital cameras, etc. At an early age, E took an interest to these fancy items that are always lying around our house. I didn't see the harm in it, if it entertained him for 5 minutes while I dried my hair or was folding laundry. However, now that he is much more active and can do a lot more damage to these items... I find him constantly reaching for them when they are anywhere in sight, and now he is starting to kick up a fuss when I object to him playing with them. I feel bad for him, as he is most likely thinking 'Lady, it was cool for me to play with these for the last 6 months, and now suddenly it's a no-no? I don't get it!' My other fear, is that now that he is use to playing with these items as so-called toys, when he goes to other people's house is he going to whack the crap out their precious gadgets like he does ours? I guess I better start carrying my cheque book with me when we go visiting!

But, it isn't always bad parenting decisions around here... I do think we are doing a few things well.... like:

1. Books Books and More Books
I have a love of books... and I really want to pass this love onto E. We have a big basket of books in his room and we read at least 20 a day... before naps times, before bed, and sometimes just when we are bored or its a rainy day out. I love doing the voices for him in the book and he thinks it is so funny. He also loves to turn the pages for me... often that is a game in itself, but the point is that he is taking a liking to books, and reading - and I hope that one day down the road he will benefit (at school and in life) because was familiarized with books at an early age.

2. Sleeping Here, Sleeping There, Sleep Sleep Everywhere
This one I can't take all the credit for, because E himself is doing it for us, but he is such a good sleeper, and we encourage him to fall asleep almost anywhere we go. We started out using a cradle at the foot of our bed for the first month but then we quickly moved him into his crib, gave him his own space to get comfortable in, and we haven't looked back. He sleeps in any one's pack n' play... not matter if we are in Florida, or just down the street at friends. We cart him almost anywhere... and I think that taking him places and getting him use to sleeping in situations other than his own crib is going to help him adjust to new settings as he grows. We always bring along some comfort items so he knows its sleepy time, and these few things mixed with his personality have him sleeping like a baby when were on the go!

3. Lots of Love
I am a big fan of smothering E to death in kisses and hugs all. day. long. It wasn't that I didn't feel loved as child or anything crazy like, but I do really want E to know how much he is loved, and I want to be those parents that not only say it, but also can show it through affection. I have a feeling when he is older he is going to hate this because he is a boy... but it doesn't bother me. I think that sharing these mushy moments with him now, will only help him in the long run with sharing his own emotions. Someday, some lucky woman is going to appreciate me for this!

So... there you have it! The rights and wrongs according to this new Mama. Who knows... maybe my rights won't be so right, and my wrongs might not be so wrong. Maybe E will be grow up to be some famous inventor who builds a gadget to replace the soother, but a man who hates reading and sleeping anywhere but his own bed!

As a parent... you win some you lose some - I guess I will just have to wait (25 years) to find out which decisions were good and which ones could have been better!

Nothing solid about solids!

Just shy of his 7 month b-day, we started E on solids. Yes, yes... you are entitled to think that we should have started him earlier... but given that he had a few weight issues, we were a few weeks behind starting at the 6 month mark, and since we were going to Florida, I was selfish and didn't want to have to pack the cereal accessories in addition to everything else we were taking for him our our vacation - so we held him off another two weeks.

Regardless of how we got to the starting line, we made it. I can use the excuse and say that E wasn't ready to start cereals at 6 months, but the truth is, he was... and he has been waiting patiently, watching PC and I closely as we eat every. single. bite. of our meals. It was pretty hilarious at times.

I think I have been the one dragging my feet... as I have making a bottle down to science, and the thought of mixing up cereal and then spoon feeding E while he spits it back at me, is not something I was looking forward to... at. all.

However... I knew we had to start, so Saturday morning was the official ribbon cutting ceremony. We strapped E into his high chair, and PC decided to do the honours with the spoon while I cued up the camera.

Surprisingly for the first feeding it went not too bad. PC clearly has more patience than I... as he played some airplane games with E, getting him to open up, and he didn't seem to be on any time frame. After it was all over, I thought to myself - this could be worse - and I was right.

Day 2... E wasn't so graceful in his cereal eating abilities when it was just him and I.

He is definitely mature enough to understand the spoon to mouth concept, but his maturity only lasted for the first four spoonfuls, and then it was lots of sticking his tongue out, thus having the cereal run down his chin onto his bib... then proceeding to stick his fingers in it, touch his face, trying to grab the spoon out of my hand, while flicking more cereal in his hair.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Nope... no idea why I was dragging my feet about the whole experience.

I just don't deal well with mess... and messy fingers, messy faces, messy anything. However, as PC explained to me a few times (based on his own experiences with me), I am not the world's best teacher, and what E needs is someone to teach him how to eat solids! So basically... he just bought a house with no roof... as I suck at teaching anybody, anything.

However... because this isn't about me - I am putting my best foot forward here, and as much as I hate the whole feeding mess that we have to go through 3 times a day, I am willing to suck it up, because I know 'it won't be like this for long'!

I also read somewhere, that in order for a child to master a skill, you have to give them 21 days of practice before they can commit it to memory... so if this is true, we are on day 5 of 21, almost one third of the way there (hopefully)! I have to admit today's suppertime cereal feeding was actually the best one I've done in the 5 days, E didn't get too messy until his last 6 or 7 spoonfuls, so we are making progress - thank the lord!

Here is E, in his first cereal eating performance... it was mild in comparison to some of the episodes we have had around here the few days!

How was the cereal/solid starting process for you with your children? Did you find it challenging or fun, or both? Any tips or tricks to make it less messy, or do you just suggest grinning and bearing it for the next few months?

It won't be like this for long...

I have been listening to Darius Rucker's (lead singer for Hootie and the Blowfish, now gone country) song titled, 'It won't be like this for long'... and I have to admit the song gets me... just a bit.

It's about a father and his child ... and all of the phases you go through raising a child... in his case raising his little girl. The main line of the song says, 'this phase is gonna fly by, so baby just hold on, cause it won't be like this for long'.

This song really hits home... and I have only been a parent for 6 months, but in these 6 months, I have seen a few phases already fly by. I think back to when we brought E home from the hospital and the adjustments we had to make... getting to know one another.

The first two months, I thought I would NEVER get another full night of sleep for as long as I lived, but he soon proved me wrong and I am back to getting 9 or 10 hours a night. At the time, when your in the moment you think 'how will I ever get through this', but the reality is, these phases are sooooo short when you compare them to the life span of your child, that instead of complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves, we should be happy to have the experience!

E is now in the grabbing and chewing stage... everything he sees he wants to get his hands on so he can put it in his mouth. At first I thought this was annoying, but now I am starting to see the beauty in it... he is discovering his environment and the excitement on his face when he sees something new is nothing short of amazing. I know this phase will too pass quickly... and soon when he sees a spoon, instead of lightening up with excitement he will just look and me say 'it's just a spoon Mom!', with a sarcastic tone I know he is destine to inherit.

This phase and others will pass... and soon I will be looking back wondering where did the time go. The other day, PC remarked to me 'Can you believe E is 6 months old?' and I just laughed and said NO, as it seems like only yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. It almost makes me want to cry thinking of how much he has changed in these 6 months, but at the same time I love watching him grow and develop into his own person.

In a way, this shows me that life passes us by all too quickly, and usually someone has to die to remind me just how precious life really is. Lately... I don't need a funeral to see how good my life is, no... the smiley boy playing on his mat in front me right now is the main reason I am loving every minute of life... and I will continue to enjoy it because I know... 'it won't be like this for long'!

Here are the lyrics to:
It Won't Be Like This for Long

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long

Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long

Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on

‘Cause it won’t be like this for long

It won’t be like this for long

This and That

Its been several days since my last post, and I wish I could say I had a valid excuse for not posting, but as it turns out I have no excuse! I have had tidbits and partial posts floating around in my head... but just never the time to sort them out on the blog, so I thought I would just throw out these random updates and thoughts, and let you take what you want from them... if anything at all!

• Two weekends ago, I took E on his first over night roadie... to a cottage just past Bancroft. My roomies from University (130-O ladies) planned a get together as one of our members (shout out to Bee) is moving to Texas, and we wanted to have one last weekend together, before she departed. It was quite the adventure... packing for this trip for me was nothing, but packing to take a baby to a cottage in the middle of winter ... WOW! The things you have to remember to take... I don't think the term 'packing lightly' was meant to be applied when a baby is involved.
  

The weekend was quite good... as per usual when I get together with these ladies, we always have a good time... reminiscing about old times, and then adding new memories with our silliness!

Here is a quick pic from that weekend...

• Then... last weekend, I went to a SURPRISE goodbye party for little Miss Texas... in Oshawa, as her sister had planned this party in addition to our previous ladies weekend. This meant, a second roadie with E, for a second weekend in a row. This was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I wanted to go, but wasn't sure about taking E all that way just to go there and back. But then my BFF Kristy was going to be at her place that weekend in T.O. so I decide to go to the party in Oshawa with E, and then in T.O to stay the night, see her new condo, and get in a quick visit. It was a fabulous trip... Bee was so surprised when she showed up and we all jumped out to welcome her, and seeing Kristy was the perfect bonus to the trip. On top of that.... taking E in the car was awesome! He's a good little traveler... so our next trek will be definitely be the 8 hour jaunt to Thessalon!

Here's a quick pic from last weekend... the boy toy in the picture is Bee's boyfriend Ryan - the reason she is moving to Texas!

• Tomorrow... we visit E's family doctor for the mommy are you feeding him enough monitoring session weight check up. I think its going well... I am hoping he will have gained close to another pound this round. The bottle feeding is going really well... and I have actually come to see that its a hell a lot more convenient to bottle feed on road trips than it is to breast-feed, so while I was at first a little bitter about the whole situation, I have since discovered the silver lining in it all.

• This week, the Tim Horton's Brier in on (curling for sports challenged)... and its been fun to watch (minus the fact that I have issues listening to Linda Moore and Ray Turnball for more than 20 minutes at a time. I won't go into a long rant on these two... but the older they get, the worse they are! Thank god for Vic Rauter... he's still got it)!

This is why I love curling so much:



Honestly... best shot I've seen in a long time, and so glad it came from Team Ontario!

• The time change has been kicking my ass this week... and its only Tuesday. E somehow got his signals crossed and is acting like we will fell back instead of springing ahead an hour. I... being the confident mother I am, was so sure that the darker mornings would translate into longer sleep-ins for E, but he apparently feels the need to wake up almost an hour earlier than he was previous to the time change. This has me being extra tired and thus being a little cranky by the day's end. I am hoping to get back on schedule ... by the end of the week (if the good lord knows what's good for this world)!

• Our PVR is on fritz... somehow, PC and a party who shall remain nameless (JULES!), were screwing around with the dish while I was away on the weekend, and the somehow the PVR quit working in the middle of this necessary repair. I could literally lose my mind. I heart my PVR... it allows me to keep up to date with my key shows, but not have to be restricted to the TV schedule, because as we all know... babies have this way of keeping you on THEIR schedule, which doesn't happen to be the same schedule as the TV guide. I grilled PC on how long the repair is going to take... as I was secreting loading the gun behind my back and removing the safety for emphasis.

• Before the PVR went on the fritz... I managed to take in the finale of The Bachelor... and the After the Final Rose, Part I and II. Oh the drama. I swear this is why I have faithfully watched this show, I love stuff like this. He dumps the one he proposed to, to ask for a second chance with the one he originally dumped... and its all on TV for my viewing pleasure. Someone at ABC obviously had me in mind when they thought up this show - I just can't get enough. And too boot, the Bachelor himself, Jason Mesnick, is now on Twitter... so now I can keep tabs on him and Molly as often as I want. God, I love when reality TV and social networking unite! LOVE IT!
  

• Baby bottles... HOLY complicated. I went to Toys R Us this week to look at getting some larger baby bottles for E, as he is outgrowing the 6 oz. bottle and fast. I am using breastfeeding bottles right now, and really like the nipples on these bottles. I want to keep the same type of nipple just on a larger bottle but do you think it could be that easy - NO! I must have starred at the bottle wall for a good 10 minutes just overwhelmed at all the options. Its crazy... slow flow, fast flow... even flow... air flow, drop-ins, plastic, BPA Free... the options are endless. I think taking the brakes off the Escape and putting them back on would be an easier job then selecting the right bottle and nipple to transition into!

Okay... there are other random thoughts floating around in my head, but I will have to cap it off at that for now as I am one tired cat! Feel free to comment on anything that may have peaked your interest... especially if you have some suggestions in the bottle department.

Cheers!

A quick update!

Well... it seems I have been short on time these past few days, which has meant blogging gets squeezed out of the daily routine., but I thought I would post a quick update before I hit the hay.

Today was a great day, as E returned to see the ped. this afternoon and the report was good.

He has gained a pound since he last visit... he is now a whopping 11 pounds, and happier than ever... see:

The ped. was very pleased by his progress over the week, and feels that we are on the right track. Of course she is going to keeping checking in on his progress over the next month, but she didn't see any cause for further concern if he keeps gaining weight. She figures he should be back on the holy graph in no time.

It was actually quite a relief to see the scale today... we are on the right track, and I am actually enjoying the new routine with bottle feeding, minus the daily bottle washing and sterling process.

Next week E returns to his family doctor and hopefully will receive his 4 month vaccinations... and the 'see you in 2 months' confidence nod.

I am feeling much better about the whole situation this week. Thanks to many of your for your care and concern, and advice, it really has put my mind at ease.

Has anyone seen the milk man?

I'm trying to track down the milk man this week, because we are running low on milk in this household, and I am not talking white or chocolate, I'm talking breast milk.

Earlier this week, PC and I took E for his 4 month check-up and to get his needles. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was having trouble feeding him last week... and so going into the appointment I wanted to ask the family doctor a few questions, but we were barely in the office door before he had a few questions for me.

We discovered at this appointment that E has gained just shy of a pound since his 2 month check-up... and while I knew he wasn't a big gainer or a super chubby baby, I wasn't overly concerned because he has been such a happy little guy, and doing everything a 4 month old baby should be doing.

However... we stripped him down and weighed him and the eyebrows were raised by the nurse, the medical student, and the doc himself.

They went from raised eyebrows... straight to the percentile graph, and of course, E's most recent weigh-in (of a whopping 10 pounds) doesn't even register on this holy graph they use.

A serious of detailed questions about his eating habits ensued, and their advice was to put him on formula and FAST - feeding him as much as he will take and often. The doc went as far to say we have to start waking E up in the night for a feeding - to which I gave him a blank stare and the invisible middle finger shot up for emphasis. I am NOT waking up a baby that sleeps through the night - sorry.

In the meantime they were sending us to see a pediatrician to see if it might be more then being 'undernourished' as the family doctor so delicately put it. I was thinking we would see a ped in a week's time, but NO, we were called later on Monday afternoon for an appointment the following day - thus making me feel that this low-weight gain issue was an EMERGENCY.

We left the family doctor's office, and I managed to keep my emotions under control until we hit the car. I was a mess... I took it personally what he said about E being undernourished... and while I know everyone can tell me its not my fault, I do take the blame and the responsibility as I am his mother, and I am the one who feeds him on a daily basis, and I am suppose to know my baby. I think what upset me even more is that because of this whole 'weight' issue, they decided to hold off on giving E his 4 month shots... until the ped weighed in on the case (no pun intended) - so while the goal of the appointment was to get the shots, we left without them, and that made me mad.

So.... Tuesday we were off to the pediatrician, and to my surprise she was extremely nice and informative, and overall I adored her approach. She had read E's file previous to me arriving, so I didn't have to repeat my life history, and she was very easy to relate to, like a woman who has 'been there' with her own experiences - I quite liked that.

Her basic analysis was that E has outgrown my milk supply... meaning that I have enough milk to meet his needs and sustain his current weight, but not enough milk to exceed his expectations, thus allowing him to gain weight. This explains why feeding him later in the day is such a challenge because according to her, there is barely anything there as the day wears on and he is frustrated by that.

While she flat out said, she doesn't recommend/promote using formula, in this case, its necessary to supplement with formula (in addition to breastfeeding) and work on getting my milk supply up (by drinking more fluids, EVEN the occasional beer)!

So... we left her office, with an armful of formula, and an appointment to see her in a week. She fully believes that E will gain weight with the top up, and that it won't be long before he is back on the charts and everyone is happy.

Once Tuesday was over... I was relieved. We have a plan - AND its not the end of the world. I am happy to go back and see the ped again next week, and I hope that the results will show on the scale for E.

If all goes well I will chalk this up to an emotional Mommy hiccup on my part... if not - you'll definitely hear about it!

I think I already mentioned this earlier in the week, but 'oh... the joys of motherhood'!

Fed-Up with Feedings!

It's Sunday night and I feel like I have had a rough day in the feeding department. E is an all around pretty good baby, but this last week has been quite the challenge when it comes to feeding time, especially in the evening.

I am not sure if he can read my mind... but I have been thinking about and reading about starting to close out breast-feeding altogether. I said that I would do it for a minimum of 3 months, and a max of six months. We are in month 4 right now and it has been going well, but I can see how not breast-feeding would give me more independence on my part, and I can see that E doesn't really care one way or another whether he is eating from a boob or a bottle.

My ideal time line is to be done breast-feeding by the end of April (but at the rate we are going this week, it might be the end of February)!

It seems that come the 6pm feeding, he will eat for about 5 to 10 minutes and then be so disinterested in eating that he 'freaks out'. All week, I have tried multiple approaches... from giving him a break then going back to the breast, changing his diaper and going back to the breast, and finally closing up shop altogether and giving him a bottle of formula. All week it has ended with him having a bottle and being a happy camper, and me feeling like a failure.

I don't have any problem with him having a bottle, its actually easier that way... but I can't help but feel like I'm letting E down in the breast-feeding department when this happens. I don't know what it is... but my emotions say that I 'should' be breast-feeding... so when E actually rejects the breast, I think I take it personally or something.

It sounds rather stupid... but its the truth. Part of me thinks that I feel this way based on the numerous resources I've read that stress how important breast-feeding is. Its almost to the point where the books and experts are saying 'if not breast-feeding, your not a good mother'. I really hate that.

E goes to the doc tomorrow for his 4 month shots... and I have a laundry list of questions for him, at which feeding is at the top of the list. I guess what I need more than anything is just reassurance that if I decide to stop breast-feeding that it doesn't put me in the running for the 'worst mother of the year' award, because that is how I am feeling this week.

Oh the joys of motherhood!