Everything happens for a reason...

I am once again a believer that everything happens for a reason... and sometimes I question why things happen the way they do, but I am truly thankful to have a higher power watching out for me and my family.

Nine months ago, I was beside myself with our former daycare situation. It was going downhill fast, and I could see that it was not an ideal situation for my boys to be in going forward. It caused me to lose a lot of sleep over how to proceed ... and I was really hard on myself for making the initial decision to change daycare providers. But looking back... it was by far the best decision we've made for the boys and our family.

Fast forward to now, and our former daycare provider has moved out of town - which if we would have stuck it out, we would have found ourselves high and dry, and now frantically searching for a daycare provider in the middle of our summer holidays. Instead, we made the switch seven months ago, and discovered a very caring and nurturing individual who really is not in the daycare business for the money but truly enjoys looking after young children and only wants the help them learn life skills that will suit them well in the future. Its like night and day the difference. The flexibility with our current daycare provider makes our lives less stressful... and the sheer fact that we don't have to speed home from work to get the kids is probably the biggest blessing for us - it makes the end of the day that much more manageable and has really relived a lot of stress in our household. In addition, we pay a very reasonable price per day on the days the boys go and our daycare provider's contract does not ask for anything out of the ordinary.

Overall the kids are doing really well at daycare, E is preparing to start kindergarten in the fall, and H is learning how to have fun with the big kids! I am actually upset that I wasted so much time and energy agonizing over my decision, when I should have trusted my gut from the get go to know that making a change was going to be for the best, and it really has been.

Hooray for one of the good things in life!

 

More time, more energy... please & thank you!

Wow... what I wouldn't give for a little extra time in a day and a double dose of daily energy.

Lately, its seems impossible to get ahead of the game... I get home from work between 5 and 5:30 pm on average and my weeknights are filled with managing two played-out boys, while attempting to get a half decent supper on the table before midnight 6:30 pm, and then cleaning up, getting the boys bathed and to bed, and then getting ready for to do it all over again the next day. My PVR is stacked full of shows I'd like to watch at some point before I turn 50, yet I am doubting that the opportunity to view even a fifth of that list will ever greet me.

Then if the daily 9 to 5 grind isn't enough to keep me on my toes, throw in baseball (me), golf (PC), and soccer (E) on three of those weeknights, and if I get to bed one of five nights before midnight, I consider it a 'good week'. 

I welcome the weekends but our agenda always has something on it. For the last 10 weeks the boys have been enrolled in swimming in the capital, so we spend a good chuck of our Saturday getting ready for swimming, going to swimming, swimming, coming home from swimming, and unpacking from swimming. Its one of those activities that plays the boys right now - which is great, but not so great if you want to do other things after swimming, like grocery shop or other household errands.

We haven't even gotten to Sunday yet - but if we aren't precommitted to a social function of somesort, I consider it a royal write-off because between laundry and prepping meals for the coming week - I am spent in all areas of my life.

I have a list of close friends that I have on my 'if I ever get an hour to myself I will call' list... and that list hasn't been given any attention in the last six months since I returned to work.

My girls from University are all coming to town next weekend for a long overdue reunion, and I am soooooooooooooo looking forward to this, yet, I am pondering how much fun I will actually have if I am running on empty (although if this reunion is anything like 10 years ago, it will not be hard to have fun with these ladies)!

On the whole, I need to find some extra umph in my day to keep my head above water... because not sure how much longer I can keep up the 'I've got this Mom thing under control' act. My days are number... unless of course I win Lotto Max, which at this rate I would consider a day-off and a good uninterrupted sleep-in as its equivalent.

 

Update from the working world!

One full week under my belt and I have lived to tell the tale!

Things at the office are running just as predicted... I saw some friendly faces which was nice, and I also saw a whack load of new faces! 14 months in Government is a long time in the human resource world.

My pet peeve with the new faces is that when they see me... they take note, and then talk to their other semi-new colleagues, and they ask each other 'who's the new girl?'.

I'm not the new girl... I am NOT. THE. NEW. GIRL.

Other than that... I am enjoying being back in the swing of things. I got my first assignment last week and it forced me to dust off the cobwebs and find my groove. Its amazing how quickly things are coming back to me - as they say... just like riding a bike!

The boys had a pretty awesome first week at daycare too... lots of new activities and all around new fun. They are adjusting better than expected and seeing their happy sweet faces at the end of the day is definitely the highlight. E is full information from the day's events too, and it makes suppertime conversation pretty hilarious!

PC was off last week, so I didn't have to do morning drop off. He let me ease back into the whole routine which was also nice! I just had to worry about me and my coffee first thing in the AM, but tomorrow, I get to figure out exactly what its like to get myself and two 'I love to sleep' boys out the door for 7am.

In addition to the working world, also comes the age old question of 'what's for dinner'? This weekend, PC and I took 15 minutes on Saturday to meal plan for the week ahead... and Sunday I hit the grocery store (a zoo) to pick up all the items we needed. I have NEVER done this before, and I have to say (prematurely speaking) its nice to not have to think about meals at the end of the day - so I hope this is something we can keep up for the long haul.

Yes... the working world is not so bad, its actually nice to have some time to myself, and to do some things in a day that I am good at, besides being silly with my boys at home. Its hard to leave them when they are at such fun ages, but at the same time, I think I can find a balance to make the most of my time with them.

I am 'officially' back to work, back in the swing of things, and back to living for evenings and weekends again. The time off with my boys was fabulous while it lasted, but rejoining the office world has had some nice perks too! Given that it took me a week to get this update posted, I can see that blogging may have to take a back seat, but hopefully I can keep it up and interesting enough to have you check in on me once in a while.

Thanks for understanding... I hope my next post won't be too far away.

Cheers!

Break-ups and daycare relationships...

Breaking up with anyone is not an easy thing to do... you have a relationship, and no doubt there have been some great things you've experienced with that relationship, but some relationships change, circumstances change, people change, expectations change... and before you know it, you're headed towards a break-up.

And let's face it, break-ups are awkward, and uncomfortable, and hard to do, but when its done, the feeling of relief, and new beginnings is enough to assure you that you did the right thing.

Back in November, we had to break up with our daycare provider. It was not an easy decision, but in the end it was the right decision for the boys and us.

We had a relationship with our daycare provider since October 2009 and it was one of those situations that went swimmingly good for a while, but then, as time elapsed, we got a little too comfortable with each other, and before you know it, things derailed quickly, and the business side of things lacked a lot of professional courtesy in the end.

Deciding it was time to cancel our daycare services was probably one of the more stressful mothering experiences I've had to date... and ending the relationship has since left a lasting impression of what not to do in future daycare relationships.

I write this post as the conversations on Twitter regarding the number of people who are switching daycares seems to be more common than not.  From talking about my experiences, I've learned that many people change their childcare arrangements from time to time, and while circumstances differ, I think there are a few pieces of advice I can pass onto others who may be in a similar situation.

So here's my personal opinion... and its speaking from my own experience on how best to keep a daycare relationship going strong.
 
1. Don't mix business with friendship. Daycare providers have hearts of gold and are extremely friendly, but at the end of the day they are a running a business. You are the client, they provide the service. You can have a friendship with the daycare provider, but it is in your best interest to keep your relationship business oriented, much the same way a real estate agent would do with a couple trying to sell their home or purchase a new one. You can send Christmas cards, or buy them something special here and there (or vice versa) but you're still the client and there still providing you a service for a fee.

2. Speak up. Relationships with daycare can be great one week and make you doubt your choice the next week. If you don't like something that is happening at your current daycare, whether it is meals, activities or lack their of, tv consumption, discipline, travel arrangements, etc. the best thing to do is address it the first time you feel uncomfortable so that you don't come off as too easy going or accepting of the procedures at the daycare. If you are up front with what is important to you from the start, then it will be less likely that any major surprises will be thrown at you as time elapses.

3. Be respectful. If you have an issue with the daycare provider, address it in a respectful manner and in person.  Sending emails is an easy way to get out of the face to face interaction, but conversations in person or by phone can resolve issues much easier than by email.  Often times you don't see your daycare provider long enough at drop off and pick up to bring up a difficult issue but find a time that works for both of you to discuss things in person or over phone so that the tone of each others words are heard and not implied.

4. Get it in writing.  Its nice to think that your friendly nature with the daycare provider is enough to be able to make little adjustments to the contract here and there without having to get things in writing (and sometimes that is the case), but for the safety and protection of all parties involved, you should really work to negotiate the contract so that both sides are comfortable and neither side is being taken advantage of. If things come up throughout the relationship, and it isn't in the contract, don't expect special treatment (and that goes both ways).

5. Stick to the contract. As with any business relationship, a contract is in place for a reason. If you've agreed to something, and its in writing, stick to it. If the contract specifies late fees for every 5 minutes you are late, and you show up late 4 times in a month, offer to square up with the daycare provider at the end of the month, don't wait for the daycare provider to get annoyed and feel taken advantage of. Vice-versa, if the daycare provider is allotted special paid holidays or sick leave in the contract, and exceeds it, bring it to the provider's attention and seek reimbursement before the month is out so that you aren't left keeping a side tally of freebies you are owed.

As mentioned above, this is me speaking from my own my experience with our recent daycare provider. Yes, there are many daycare relationships that last for the entire duration that you require daycare services, but there are also many relationships that only work for so long.  I have come to realize that sometimes its not so much about the daycare provider as it is what you want from a daycare.  What is right for one year, may not be the best thing in subsequent years, but with any luck, you'll develop a fantastic relationship with your care provider for the duration of your needs, and have a lasting, respectful, business relationship, with a little friendship on the side!

Good luck to those Mommy's (and Daddy's) out there who are contemplating switching daycares.  If your on the daycare search I can assure you there are options... and just when you think you've exhausted every avenue, something fabulous will turn up! Hang in there.

As a side note... we completed an extensive search for a new daycare provider, and we have found something that suits our current needs and that we are very happy with! Based on the trial days, the boys have both come home happy campers and with CRAFTS!!! Looking forward to having them start full-time in the New Year.

Final boarding call: Mommy of one!

Well... tonight is my last night as a Mommy of one!  Tomorrow I will be the proud Mommy of not one, but TWO boys.

Mother of two... sounds about right to me!

So many things are running through my head, but the most important is that I am so EXCITED to meet our little bundle of boy! I have waited 10 months for this day, and tomorrow I start my second labour of love that will end with a brighted eyed little boy starring up at me.

There are also other crazy thoughts running through my head, like ... will this labour end in blood, sweat, and tears like the last one? Will an induction mean an easier time or more painful experience?  Will I ever get a good night's rest for the next 18 years? Will my upbeat mood of the last few weeks die a quick death, or will I ride the high of having a newborn in my arms well into 2011? Will my baby boy be a good sleeper and eater... or will this be the baby that tests my every nerve? Will I be easier going as Mommy to a newborn than I was the last time? How will E adjust to having a new brother?

Yes... so many things to consider yet so many moments to look forward too - moments I probably I can't even dream of right now.

On the eve of the journey that will most likely complete our family, I am beaming at what is to come - but also a little emotional.  My one on one time with E is quickly coming to a close - take for instance the video below of he and I chatting tonight - those moments melt my heart. My love for him will still be as strong as ever, but I also know that the time I have to give him will nonetheless be interrupted by his brother's need for equal attention, if not more, at the beginning.

How will I be able to balance out both of their needs, while keeping in mind my needs and the needs of the entire family.  Adding a second child to the mix will test my every ability as a mother and a wife, but its a challenge I am so grateful to accept and one that I take on willingly.

Ahhh... so much to think about and a lifetime to live it!

I am off to get some rest and I hope I can update you soon with news of the arrival of our new baby boy.

Stay tuned!

One last belly update... 40 weeks and counting!

Yesterday, I took advantage of a day home with E and decided to take a few last photos my baby belly - since this will probably be the last time I have a belly this big (hopefully)! I am feeling pretty run down these past few days, but I am still trying to keep a positive attitude, and to cherish the miracle of being able to carry such a precious human being inside me. I know that the tail end of pregnancy is not a lot of fun, but I also think when I look back at these photos I will see the love I feel for this baby, and the bond that has grown between us over the last 10 months.

PC offered up 10 minutes of his lunch hour and snapped these photos so I will have them to include in The Sequel's baby book.

I hope they scream 'I love you to pieces my baby boy and I can't wait to meet you'.  E was also willing to participate in the photo shoot and I think the few pics we did get reflect his excitement as well!

Now approaching: Back to work!

Oh...it been one of those weeks, or is it one of those months!

As you may know, this is my last month of maternity leave, and its really bitter sweet. Each day I spend with E this month, I feel so overwhelmed... and in the sense that I have so much I want to do in the next few weeks to prepare myself for going back to work, but also the fact that I know my full-time days with E are numbered (18 to be exact). He is learning so much each day... he is really in the explore and discover stage, and spending time with him and teaching him things is so important to me, but there isn't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything, and by the time bedtime comes at night, I am exhausted.

I was feeling really great about going back to work, I have met my new boss and she seems like a fantastic person, who I am excited to work with and to get to know better. I think I will like getting back into the routine of work, and having the business structure in a day, where I can actually feel like I am contributing to something other than washing bottles, changing diapers, picking up cheerios, will be a good thing.

But... the closer I get to my return to work date, the more I am feeling anxious about how it is all going to work. At present, E is sleeping in until 8:30 or 9am (I know ... no sympathy there!), and with the back to work schedule, he will have to be dropped off at daycare by 7am. Not to mention have his breakfast, get changed, in addition to myself getting up, getting ready, and out the door. I think I know myself, and I suck with mornings in general, so you can imagine just how excited I am to roll out of bed at 5:30am everyday to make this all work.

It's change, and I know no matter how much anyone says they like change (I am one of those people), I think I will actually hate it, until we do it for a few weeks, and I realize, it can be done.

The actual upside of all of this, is that the daycare provider we have found for E is someone I feel really comfortable with, and sending him to daycare is not at all what bothers me, its just getting him there and getting him picked up on time, plus having dinner and getting ready for the next day to do it all over again.

I think it doesn't help that this week E is sick, and I have accomplished close to nothing on my to-do list, because I have been busy wiping his nose, rocking him to sleep, reading stories, and just cuddling him. It tugs at my heart strings, and its times like this that makes me ask the age old question, which is better... the working Mom or the stay at home Mom?

I don't want an answer to this question, because my reality right now is that I will be the working Mom. But, I have LOVED this last year, and if money was not an object, I think I would choose to stay home another few years with E, as it really is a privilege to see him develop from a baby to a toddler, and then to a pre-schooler. However, having said that, I do think there is something to be said about doing something outside of being a Mom, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a job, but a hobby or an interest that gives you that extra 'me' time, that everyone, mother or not, should really have!

Yes... the days are flying by, and on top of wrapping my mind around going back to work, I am grappling with the reality that E is turning 1. I think my life is going to fly by, if the years continue to go by as fast as this one has. Those country songs that talk about when your kids were young and then you wake up one day and they are 25 and getting married - I feel like that is exactly what is going to happen to me!

Can you see how my mind is working these days... all over the map, so many thoughts to keep me busy from morning til night.

Did anyone else have similar feelings or anxieties about going back to work after being off on a maternity leave? How did you cope?

Good news, bad news.

It was the week of doctoring... Monday for me, and Wednesday and Thursday for E.

Wednesday, we were at CHEO for the afternoon as E had to have an ultrasound of his kidneys and today it was a visit to his family doctor for his 6 month check-up and shots.

Back in February when we were referred to a pediatrician for E's weight-gain issues... the ped. ordered an ultrasound of the kidneys as I had mentioned in my patient history that all of my pre-natal ultrasounds showed cysts on the right kidney of the baby.

Since no one had followed up on this post-delivery, she felt it was a good idea to have it checked just so we would know everything is okay.

So... three months later we got in to the children's hospital and the ultrasound was completed. (Just entering the doors of CHEO you realize how lucky you are to have a happy, healthy baby, it broke my heart to see some of the children in the halls - we are so blessed to have a children's hospital near by).

Our appointment was at 2:15 pm yesterday, and then coincidentally E was to see his family doctor today at 3:15 pm (as his 6 month appointment was pushed back a few times due to scheduling conflicts with the doctor's office).

The good news from today's appointment with the family doctor is that E is up to a whopping 16 lbs 3 ozs and 27.5 inches... which puts him at the 10th percentile on the holy graph... he no longer is taking up the bottom rung on the ladder, and this was very pleasing to me. I was not surprised to see he has gained a whole kilo since his last visit, as he has taken a real liking to solids.

However... the good news quickly came to a halt when the family doctor surprised me with the results of yesterday's ultrasound (we were told they would take a week). As it turns out, the news is not good (which is most likely why the results were so quick).

E has a non-functioning right kidney... meaning he is only operating on one good kidney - the left. The right kidney is not even really a kidney... its mostly a mass of cysts making up the kidney.

Enter look of shock and fear on my face as the doctor is trying to explain this to me.

Of course there is some 26 letter medical name for it that I can not for the life of me even remember how it sounds (and being the good mother I am, I didn't even ask for him to write it down for me).

The upside is that we really only need one good kidney to do the work... the second one is a bonus (as it was explained to me). Obviously E is thriving and doing fine with one, but its the longer term affects of this kidney that are worrisome.

Does the defunct kidney need to be removed or will it shrink up to nothing as he grows older? Will the cysts attach themselves to the good kidney or other major organs? Or could the defunct kidney start shedding over time causing other medical problems for him down the road? The possibilities (in my mind) are endless at this point.

The immediate reaction of the doctor is 'not to panic' - too late. Although I am doing my best to remain calm (I only shed a few quick tears on the drive home before I told myself not to freak out until we know more - and I am sticking to that pep talk). As quick as the doc received the results of the ultrasound, he was even quicker to assure me that we would be going back to the pediatrician who will then most likely refer us to a specialist. His main concern is blood pressure, as apparently your right kidney controls your blood pressure, so without it, there must be some repercussions, but of course we won't know anything until we talk to the pediatrician/specialist.

I keep trying to put this into perspective... that its not life-threatening at this point, and that we have caught this issue very early which means time is on our side to address it. However, I keep playing the scenario over in my head, that if I had never mentioned the cysts from the pre-natal ultrasound, and if the pediatrician had just breezed over it (like my family doctor would have), in 10 or 15 or 20 years, E may have had serious complications that we would have spent precious time trying to figure out the problem before working on the solution.

I could just puke thinking about it.

I know ... I can't let my head go down that road. All we can do now is wait until we get into see the pediatrician and go from there. But in the mean time I can hold my little boy just a little tighter every night and give him an extra thousand kisses a day, just for good measure.

I guess this is just part of being a mother... the not so good part: worrying!

BUT, since I am NOT worrying, you don't have to either (Mom B & Mom C), and I will do my best to keep you posted as our next doctor's visits take place.

For now... just in case you aren't convinced E is doing fine, here's some proof!

7 months has arrived... slow down calendar!

I have a baby boy who is 7 months old.
A seven. month. old.

I think I am in shook... just a bit. I mean, where have the last 7 months gone?

As I look back on the pics of E's first few days of life, I see a different baby altogether... its crazy how much he has changed in these short months. Yet, I am amazed at his developments every day.

In 7 months time, the memory of my labour has faded dramatically (although NEVER the last few minutes of the birth). I find myself saying 'when I have another baby, I would... blah blah blah', which I NEVER thought I would say for a long while (easy people, it's not happening anytime soon, but the fact that I can make reference to a second child in the future is a milestone in itself for me). So although the time has passed quickly for, I can still see that a fair amount of time has passed for me in the motherhood books.

E has cut his second tooth this past week. He was a little fussier this time around, however I can't determine if it was his tooth coming through, a minor cold, or the fact that his grandparents feed him icing on Sunday afternoon (!) - or a combination of all three.

At the 7 month mark, E is fairly confident sitting up by himself... I wouldn't suggest leaving him alone on the hardwood, but on carpet and our play mats... he rarely takes a header if left sitting unassisted!

His new fascination is cups and water bottles... as you may have saw in my last post with the Starbucks cup. Who needs expensive toys when a paper cup or plastic used water bottle will do the trick!

We started cereal last weekend (separate post to come on that), and its going... not horrible, but not fantastic either. However, the main thing is he has started the train to solid foods which is good.

Still no actual crawling happening, but he is still very close... and loves his form of belly surfing! Sleeping in his crib has become quite adventurous as E likes to toss and turn himself around in all different positions. You never know what you are going to find in the morning, aside from a big grin.

Yes... this baby boy of mine is growing up right before my eyes. I love having a ring side seat to the action... but at the 7 month mark I can't help but start thinking of back to work, daycare, and the next steps in his young life. However, I do have the WHOLE summer to put in with him first, and I can't wait for it!

Keeping with tradition, here is the results of our 7 month photo shoot. The more active E becomes, the harder these shoots are to conduct! But, I think you'll like the results!

Fragment Friday

Well I feel like its been a while since I have posted some random tid-bits about everyday life around here, so I thought I would do so this week, since I can't seem to find time to come up with a complete coherent post.

So here it goes... a few fragments from my thoughts:

*I couldn't be happier to be on maternity leave right now. All of this snow is lovely to look at, but this week I was so glad not to have to get up early in the morning and clean off the car, etc. to go to work. E and I have stayed comfortably in our beds and watched everyone else on the street slowly get out of their driveways. In addition to all of the snow and winter driving, OC Transpo here in Ottawa has decided to strike, leaving thousands of commuters out in the cold, and forcing them into their cars and onto the highways. I would imagine this would make for some major traffic jams in the city, but once again, I am watching all of this on TV from the comfort of my own home - I love maternity leave right now!

* Christmas is only 2 weeks away, and while I have my tree up and my house decorated, I am not done my shopping, and I am not concerned about it either. This actually concerns me that I am not concerned, because every year I usually have a little freakout about not being ready. In true procrastinator fashion, I just put things off until I absolutely have to get my ass to mall and get things done, and I figure this year will be no different, but I think I am just too exhausted to even get riled up about not being ready for the festive occasion!

*E was to the doctor on Monday for his 2 month needles. He was a pretty good customer... he cried, but not for long and PC was able to comfort him and calm him down pretty quickly. Before we knew it, he was sleeping comfortably in the car seat while we were strolling through the Timmy's drive-thru window!

*Slowly I am getting more untidy around the house. I think this is the result of being a new Mom.... I use to pride myself in having everything in 'its spot', but these days, I just don't have the time for that. I am slowly letting things go... and its really starting to bug me. Everyday, I say to myself, I should put this back and that away, but 15 hours in a day goes by really quickly and before you know it, I am exhausted and ready for bed, and things just lie around the house out of position. I know that no one but me really knows about where everything belongs, and if a stranger walked into my house they probably wouldn't say we are slobs, but it still gets to me that I don't have the time or the energy to keep up with my self imposed standards around here.

*The EASY routine that I reported on a few posts back, seems to be working better these days. E is going longer stretches at night and he sleeps in his crib now all the time, so we are definitely making progress around here. There are some nights where he will go 6 hours on his own, and when this happens I wake up in a panic thinking that something is majorly wrong, only to go into his room and see him still fast alseep. Other nights he goes about 4.5 hours on his own, and if I would just go to bed when he goes to bed at night I think I be a better functioning person too!

*I am loving the fact that people think that when you are on maternity leave for a year, its like you are on vacation for a year. I have heard people make jokes about being off for a year ... and I have to laugh as being a Mom is definitely not a holiday. Yes, its fun and rewarding, and I wouldn't change it for the world, but I actually find it more work that my former day job. At least at my day job, I could schedule things and follow through with my intentions. I could say I am going to be productive and actually BE PRODUCTIVE! At home, I have a couple of simple things I would like to get done in a day, but sometimes I just don't get to them because E does not allow me to.... and I seem to be up later and later every night just trying to keep on top of laundry and standard household chores. While it is nice to be off and at home with E, its not the free and easy schedule some people might suspect!

*Two weeks ago E received a piece of mail from our Conservative MP, Pierre Lemieux. I was rather impressed as it was a hand written note from him. Normally MPs and other government heads have someone write these types of notes for them and then they just stamp them with a signature, but this card was in his handwriting, welcoming E to the world and wishing him well. I thought it was a nice gesture on his part, and given that I am not pro conservative, I am now pro Pierre Lemieux!

*I am happy to report that the we got our brand new hot water tank last Saturday afternoon, and all is well with the world again. The piping that we needed ended up only being $130, which was a pleasant surprise from the $300 estimate they gave us! Although the dryer is still acting up, I am hoping that we can atleast get through Christmas before having to deal with it and the necessary repairs it obviously needs.

Well.. that's it for now! Hope you enjoyed Fragment Friday... and I will try to get some decent posts together in the coming days. All the best for a great weekend ahead.

Phantom Crying

Since I have been home with E, I have become a victim of phantom crying.

I can't seem to put E down for a nap and walk up or downstairs without thinking that as soon as I am out of earshot - he is crying for me.

This easily happens to me at least 20 times a day.

It goes from one extreme to the other ... I hear the phantom crying, so I rush to E's bedside only to see that he looks so still that I wonder if he's actually breathing. To this end, I have to hold my finger under his nose until I feel the hot air on it to convince myself that he is in fact only sleeping.

I am not sure if its my guilty conscious thinking that I shouldn't be doing anything else in a day but tending to him, or if its just plain old new mother paranoia... but its becoming fairly annoying.

I swear if I lived in a glass house... my neighbours would think I am a crazy woman as I am constantly dashing up the stairs at lightning speed and then once I see he is still sleeping, I am casually walking back down the stairs as if nothing happened.

The same goes for when I am in the shower... sometimes I think I hear him screaming, so I shut the water off in the shower, but when the water stops... I don't hear a thing.

Does this happen to anyone else or just me?

How long does this phantom crying phase last... I am hoping that I settle in soon - but in the meantime its the start of a great weight loss program, climbing the stairs all. the. time!

Things I have learned in a month....

Yesterday marked Little E's one month birthday. Hard to believe a month has passed already... it seems like yesterday that we were only bringing him home from the hospital.

In a month's time I become educated in a few areas.... let's recap a few things I've learned:

*Taking a 20 minute shower is a gift... if you get to do it more than twice a month, you should feel blessed! I have always enjoyed a long shower... but with E he only seems to want to let me shower for 5 minutes before I hear him crying in his crib. I don't mind letting him cry for a bit, but he gets into this 'somebody help me or I am going to die' octave that I just can't stand to hear, so I immediately rush to his defence which means cutting my shower down to the bare minimum - soap, shampoo, condition, rinse, DONE.

*Making toast or any sort of breakfast with two hands is simply 'too easy'! If you get to make breakfast or any meal for that matter with two hands, you can consider yourself having a VERY good day! E seems to know exactly when I want to make something to eat, I seem to get a bagel in the toaster, but can't seem to put the cream cheese on it without him in my arms!

*The same goes for eating supper. PC and I are VERY lucky if we can get through a whole meal, just the two of us. If E is down for a nap, he senses exactly when we have just fixed our plates and are ready to eat! Then its a coin toss to see who is going to eat supper cold that night.

*Sleeping in a lazy boy recliner is COMFY. E is starting to adjust to day and night, but every other day he seems to have his days and nights confused. So if I feed him around midnight he is wide awake, but I am not, so we rock away in his room, and then finally I just throw up the recliner part and fall asleep, only to wake up three hours later to my boy smacking his lips on my chest! But the point is I have slept, even if it is in a chair (my chiropractor will probably have a field day on me the next time I get in to see him).

*I have actually surprised myself when I am low on sleep, I am not that bad of a person after all! There are some mornings I really don't want to get out of bed, so I take E in bed with me, but he ultimately rules to roost, so often times I am out of bed far earlier than I want to be, but I like to think I am rather pleasant on those days! I think I have learned how to function when I am only getting my sleep in small shifts and this is something I never thought I would be able to do.

*I don't know the words to as many songs as I thought I did. E likes to rock and so to pass the time I like to sing to him, but its surprising how many tunes I just don't know all the words too. I start out (sounding lovely), and then I get to a part that I can't remember so I hum, and then finally I just tell him 'let's sing a different one, Mommy forgot the words, AGAIN'!

*Who knew that going through the Tim Horton's drive thru would be the highlight of my day! SERIOUSLY... my Tim Horton's large decaf double double is my world (besides E). I look forward to that one cup of coffee everyday... and if I don't get it I am in fact miserable! That is our standard outing most days, I get E all dressed up to go through the drive thru at Timmy's, and he absolutely loves it, or maybe I love it enough for both of us!

*AND, having a half hour or even 15 minutes (gawd, I would take 15 minutes) to check email or blog is also a blessing. Typing with one hand completely sucks... I started this post three days ago, but didn't get it up until today. I have had free moments but I seem to be scrambling around the house to do the little things: put in a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, vacuum, etc. Every time E goes down for a nap I feel like I am on the Amazing Race... completing as many tasks as I possibly can before he wakes for his next feeding.

Speaking of which... he's a calling!

Happy 1 month birthday E, Mommy loves you!

My Labour Story

Okay... so here it is, my account of labour and E's birth!

You may want to grab a coffee and a donut... its a bit of a long account!

E was born on Sunday, October 5th at 10:52PM, but it was a definite 24 to 36 hours of pain and agony excitement that I had to endure before he actually arrived.

A few days leading into the Saturday night, I had sporadic contractions (and mild in comparison of what was to come...), I knew something was happening but its funny how I really wasn't convinced it was anything major until I actually was at the hospital.

On Saturday afternoon I had made plans with some friends (shout out to Clapper & Boyder) to spend the afternoon shopping and the evening chilling out with them while PC was off to Winchester to referee hockey. I would say we were spending quality time together, but it was more like they were babysitting me, so PC could have some peace of mind while reffing.

As a precaution, when PC and I left our house on Saturday, I put my bag for the hospital in the car (just in case), but fully intended I would sleep in my own bed that night.

The afternoon was okay... I went shopping with the girls, to Pier 1, Home Sense, etc... and during our outing I was working through some contractions in the stores. We ended up going to Lonestar for dinner, and the contractions were still present (which sucked because it ruined my appetite for fajitas). By the time dinner was over and we were back at Clapper's house... I would say the contractions were pretty steady, to the point where the girls and I started timing them... every 12 minutes, every 10 minutes, every 8 minutes.

We spent the evening hanging up some stuff on the walls at Clapper's house. I was in the game every 6 minutes, then would feel a contraction coming on, take a time-out, and then resume my duties of holding the level or screwing in a screw, it was quite humorous ... looking back on it.

By about 11 pm... I was upstairs on the bed at Clapper's and really doing whatever I could mentally to get through each contraction. I think PC called somewhere around 11:30, and Clapper basically told him to 'get here' ... while Boyder and I talked about whether or not to go to the hospital.

I decided that when PC came to pick me up, we would stop at the hospital to see what they had to say... I thought it would be easier to stop in and be sent home, then to drive all the way home only to have to come back in a few hours if the labour intensified.

So... PC drove like a mad-man to get to Clapper's, picked me up about midnight-ish - and then drove like a mad-man to the hospital. The contractions were about every 4 or 5 minutes. To my surprise, the nurse at triage gave us a bed immediately and checked me out - no waiting whatsoever. She determined that my contractions were about every 3 to 4 minutes, and that I was 4cms dilated.

At that point, I think I let out a 'holy shit'! 4 cms... I was thinking I would be 1 cm, not 4. 4 is almost half way to 10, I was ALMOST half way to pushing. The nurse offered to give me a shot for the pain, and for a while I hesitated thinking I didn't need it as I was working through each contraction, but then she told me it might let me rest a bit, so I gladly took it and it helped with the pain and calmed me a bit too.

She checked me again in an hour and I was 4.5 cms ... she told me to get some rest if I could and at that point, I sent PC home to change (out of his dress clothes), make some phone calls, and retrieve the baby's bag that was still at the house. The OB on call that night saw us, and told us that I wasn't going to be sent home, they would admit me when I wanted to get the epidural.

PC left for home and returned, while I rested the entire time, still feeling the contractions but not really any pain. The nurse instructed us to walk the halls for an hour and then she would reassess me. We did so, but I was still 4.5 cms and the labour had slowed considerably.

By 8 am Sunday morning they gave us a room, but my contractions were back to being sporadic and not all that intense. I went in the tub for a few hours, laid on the bed, and walked the halls some more, but there were no real signs that the baby would be arriving anytime soon!

By 2 pm Sunday afternoon, they decided to break my water to speed things up, ... and WOW, did it ever! The contractions came back fast and furious, and double the pain. I went from being in a zen state of mind, to I WANT TO DIE, HOLY SHIT, GIVE ME A GUN. My in laws showed up around 3 pm and probably saw me in my finest form... but at that point it didn't matter - all I wanted was for SOMEONE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL.

The nurse I had in the afternoon was not in favour of giving me the epidural, until I showed I was in active labour again - I don't know how she could tell that as she was NEVER in the room with me (although she was very nice). By 3:30 PM, my luck had changed as my good friend, Sophie Savage 9 (SS9), surprised me by coming in on her day off to work the evening shift so could be right by my side to delivery Baby Coleman. I was ecstatic to see her, although I am not sure my faced showed that emotion! She arrived on the scene and immediately step things into high gear, she arranged for the epidural at lightning speed and within an hour of her arrival, I was on cloud 9!

The epidural was a quick and painless process... it took about 5 minutes to administer, and another 5 to kick in. After that, it seemed like I was on a totally different planet, a much better one than the one I just came from!

It was kind of a blessing that my labour progressed (or didn't progress) the way it did, as it allowed my parents to make the 8 hour trip from the North... and arrive in enough time to share in the arrival of their first grandson.

After I received the epidural, things progressed rather nicely... I went from 4 cms, to 5cms, to 7cms, then to 10cms by 7pm. At 8pm, SS9 cleared the room of visitors... and PC and my Mom stayed behind as the pushing was about to begin.

I pushed for over 2 hours... in the beginning it was going really good, SS9, PC, and my Mom were very encouraging and when they told me they could see the head and that the baby had hair, I was thinking it wasn't going to be very long before I could meet the baby.

However... his head was turned and kept turning, he wouldn't keep his chin tucked in, so I pushed and pushed and pushed, and well everyone commented 'your doing good... good job', no progress was really being made. Just after 10PM, SS9 got the doctor to come in as she said the we would need some assistance to get the baby out. I was near exhaustion at that point and was really willing to do anything.

When the doctor arrived on the scene, she could see that the baby's head needed to be turned. When she started to explain to me what her best advice was, I thought I was heading for a c-section, but she wasn't thinking that at all. She said I could still deliver vaginally with the assistance of FORCEPS and an EPISIOTOMY.

I didn't have a strict birth plan going in, but in my head the last two things I wanted to happen where the use of forceps and to be cut. However, at that point... after 2 hours of pushing, I really just wanted the baby out... and the labour over with, so without much hesitation I agreed with the doctor, and all of the nodding heads in the room, and the doctor went to work.

I really don't remember feeling PAIN per say... but I do know that the doctor had to use some force, and the baby didn't come out easily. By the look on my Mom's face... it was not pretty what the doctor was doing. I could hear the forceps being used and between the tugging and pulling, I became pretty upset... thinking to myself: GOD, PLEASE HELP ME.

But after a few minutes of sheer terror, I heard a cry and before I knew it SS9 was laying Little E on my chest, while PC was announcing 'ITS A BOY Sars, A BABY BOY'!

I couldn't really process seeing him for the first time... I was still trying to get over what I just went through to bring him into the world... but once I got myself together, I looked at him, and looked at PC and my Mom and could see he was absolutely perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, and some outdoor plumbing. He had some bruising from the forceps, but aside from that... I thought he was pretty handsome!

The moments after the birth... are bit fuzzy. I do remember the doctor hammering on my stomach to deliver the placenta... and then it seemed to take her an awfully long time to stitch me up, but I will say she did an EXCELLENT job at that, as the after care at home has been relatively painless.

I can't say enough about my nurse SS9 - she is the BEST. If you have the pleasure of delivering at the Mont Fort Hospital in Ottawa, ask for Sophie! She went above and beyond the call of duty for me, and although her shift was done at 11:30 that night, she stayed with us until 1AM, ensuring that I got to breastfeed E, and that we were all safe and sound before she left. She really was fantastic... thanks Soph!

SS9 and Little E

I know a lot people say that once you see the baby, the pain and trauma of labour all go away... and while I will admit that seeing E for the first time was nothing short of amazing, I think it will be a very long time before I forget the last 5 minutes leading up to his birth.

Having said that... it is all very worth it but I think I will just enjoy him for a few years before we go planning to give him a sibling!!

Our Second Week Home

Wow... I can hardly believe it's been over a week since my last post. I think the saying goes... 'time flies when your having fun'! And I am having fun... as much fun as sleep deprivation can be, but its a small price to pay for such a fantastic addition to our family.

Little E is doing great... he has really settled in here, and I am settling in too, mostly thanks to my fantastic parents, who have been here since the day he was born. They have gone above and beyond the call of duty, and have really helped me adjust to motherhood - allowoing me to get a few extra hours of sleep each day that I know I would otherwise go without, if they were not here.

Their extended stay is soon to come to an end, as they must get back home to Thessalon... and I must learn to adjust without them, but they have definitely been a huge help to me and I will not be able thank them enough when they do have to head home.

This past week has been good. E's umbilical cord finally fell off, and has left him with a bit of a large stump, but it doesn't seem to bother him, and his doctor isn't concerned about it, so we are just happy to be rid of the cord. E has been eating and sleeping well... the feedings in the wee hours of the morning seem to be most challenging as one of us is always falling asleep at the wheel, but we are learning and adjusting as each night passes.

E will be three weeks on Sunday, hard to believe ... but he really is a happy and healthy baby, and has gained a bit more weight this week... so all is well here.

I have a hard time imagining when I will be able to resume regular blogging duties, but perhaps I will be able to do a few short posts here and there to tide you over until I can officially become an active blogger again! Hang in there.... please!

For now, a quick photo of E, doing what he does best these days.... !

I thought breast-feeding was the cheaper option?

I always thought that one of the perks of breast-feeding was the amount of money couples were saving by not having to buy formula. But today I learned... you still have to shell out some cash if you are going to breast-feed!

I hit up the maternity store on my lunch hour, as I am trying to put together my bag for the hospital. Some of things I need, I can't just go to Walmart and stock up, I have to get at the speciality stores for preggo ladies.

I thought... I will go in and see what they have, and what I think I need, as I don't have a clue whats out there.

Well! I was greeted at the door by two very nice and enthusiastic w0men, who asked what I was shopping for today, and when I told them I was in the neighbourhood for nursing attire, they practically hoisted me up on a pedestal... sounded the Cinderella music, and went to town with fitting me for nursing bras, having me try on a few different styles of them, then onto the pjs, tops... all the while advising me of the pros and cons of each style.

In my head I thought I would just get one or two bras, but then after seeing all the different styles, etc... I ended up buying 4 bras... 2 good ones, 1 sports-type one, and 1 sleeping one. Then, I secured a pair of pjs for the hospital, some washable breast pads for home, some disposable breast pads for the hospital, and 2 fairly fashionable nursing tops that were on sale.

I hadn't even thought about needing tops that would accommodate breast-feeding... and I guess you really don't need all that many, but I figure if I am going to actually go out in public and breast-feed (which I am not totally convinced I am yet!) I am going to need a top or two that allows me to do it with ease, rather then getting half naked in the middle of a restaurant or the mall!

All this to say, I had a great experience, (mostly due to the service I received at the maternity store), as I felt like I was really outfitted and ready to take on this motherhood/breast-feeding thing... but at the end of the day the bill came to THREE HUNDRED AND THREE DOLLARS.

Let's recap:

4 bras: 2 good ones, 1 sports, 1 sleeping
1 pair of nursing pjs
2 nursing tops (on SALE)
1 package of disposable breast pads
1 package of washable breast pads

All of this... was $303.48.

Now... I have no idea what formula would run me.... but I am going to assume that for $303 I could get quite a few bottles out that!

The thing is, I have no idea how breast-feeding will go for me, if it will be easy and I will want to do it for awhile, or if I will absolutely hate it and want to give it up within the first few weeks. I hope to hell its the first option... as I just spent three-hundred bucks on stuff I won't need, if its the latter!

Whatever the case is... I will look damn good doing it, whether its for 3 weeks or 9 months!