Sunday, February 22, 2009

Fed-Up with Feedings!

It's Sunday night and I feel like I have had a rough day in the feeding department. E is an all around pretty good baby, but this last week has been quite the challenge when it comes to feeding time, especially in the evening.

I am not sure if he can read my mind... but I have been thinking about and reading about starting to close out breast-feeding altogether. I said that I would do it for a minimum of 3 months, and a max of six months. We are in month 4 right now and it has been going well, but I can see how not breast-feeding would give me more independence on my part, and I can see that E doesn't really care one way or another whether he is eating from a boob or a bottle.

My ideal time line is to be done breast-feeding by the end of April (but at the rate we are going this week, it might be the end of February)!

It seems that come the 6pm feeding, he will eat for about 5 to 10 minutes and then be so disinterested in eating that he 'freaks out'. All week, I have tried multiple approaches... from giving him a break then going back to the breast, changing his diaper and going back to the breast, and finally closing up shop altogether and giving him a bottle of formula. All week it has ended with him having a bottle and being a happy camper, and me feeling like a failure.

I don't have any problem with him having a bottle, its actually easier that way... but I can't help but feel like I'm letting E down in the breast-feeding department when this happens. I don't know what it is... but my emotions say that I 'should' be breast-feeding... so when E actually rejects the breast, I think I take it personally or something.

It sounds rather stupid... but its the truth. Part of me thinks that I feel this way based on the numerous resources I've read that stress how important breast-feeding is. Its almost to the point where the books and experts are saying 'if not breast-feeding, your not a good mother'. I really hate that.

E goes to the doc tomorrow for his 4 month shots... and I have a laundry list of questions for him, at which feeding is at the top of the list. I guess what I need more than anything is just reassurance that if I decide to stop breast-feeding that it doesn't put me in the running for the 'worst mother of the year' award, because that is how I am feeling this week.

Oh the joys of motherhood!