Thursday, September 17, 2009

Now approaching: Back to work! been one of those weeks, or is it one of those months!

As you may know, this is my last month of maternity leave, and its really bitter sweet. Each day I spend with E this month, I feel so overwhelmed... and in the sense that I have so much I want to do in the next few weeks to prepare myself for going back to work, but also the fact that I know my full-time days with E are numbered (18 to be exact). He is learning so much each day... he is really in the explore and discover stage, and spending time with him and teaching him things is so important to me, but there isn't enough hours in the day to accomplish everything, and by the time bedtime comes at night, I am exhausted.

I was feeling really great about going back to work, I have met my new boss and she seems like a fantastic person, who I am excited to work with and to get to know better. I think I will like getting back into the routine of work, and having the business structure in a day, where I can actually feel like I am contributing to something other than washing bottles, changing diapers, picking up cheerios, will be a good thing.

But... the closer I get to my return to work date, the more I am feeling anxious about how it is all going to work. At present, E is sleeping in until 8:30 or 9am (I know ... no sympathy there!), and with the back to work schedule, he will have to be dropped off at daycare by 7am. Not to mention have his breakfast, get changed, in addition to myself getting up, getting ready, and out the door. I think I know myself, and I suck with mornings in general, so you can imagine just how excited I am to roll out of bed at 5:30am everyday to make this all work.

It's change, and I know no matter how much anyone says they like change (I am one of those people), I think I will actually hate it, until we do it for a few weeks, and I realize, it can be done.

The actual upside of all of this, is that the daycare provider we have found for E is someone I feel really comfortable with, and sending him to daycare is not at all what bothers me, its just getting him there and getting him picked up on time, plus having dinner and getting ready for the next day to do it all over again.

I think it doesn't help that this week E is sick, and I have accomplished close to nothing on my to-do list, because I have been busy wiping his nose, rocking him to sleep, reading stories, and just cuddling him. It tugs at my heart strings, and its times like this that makes me ask the age old question, which is better... the working Mom or the stay at home Mom?

I don't want an answer to this question, because my reality right now is that I will be the working Mom. But, I have LOVED this last year, and if money was not an object, I think I would choose to stay home another few years with E, as it really is a privilege to see him develop from a baby to a toddler, and then to a pre-schooler. However, having said that, I do think there is something to be said about doing something outside of being a Mom, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a job, but a hobby or an interest that gives you that extra 'me' time, that everyone, mother or not, should really have!

Yes... the days are flying by, and on top of wrapping my mind around going back to work, I am grappling with the reality that E is turning 1. I think my life is going to fly by, if the years continue to go by as fast as this one has. Those country songs that talk about when your kids were young and then you wake up one day and they are 25 and getting married - I feel like that is exactly what is going to happen to me!

Can you see how my mind is working these days... all over the map, so many thoughts to keep me busy from morning til night.

Did anyone else have similar feelings or anxieties about going back to work after being off on a maternity leave? How did you cope?

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