An honest look in the mirror...

Do you have those times where you look in the mirror and think 'Wow, I look pretty good today' and then 10 minutes later you walk by the same mirror but catch a glimpse of yourself at a different angle and that feeling goes speeding down the express way faster than you can say chocolate covered almonds.

I'm not fat, but I'm not a skinny person either.  I'll never be someone who people say 'She's a stick', or 'there's nothing to her', and I'm good with that. But I don't want to become the person that people say 'wow she really packed on the weight after she had kids' or 'she used to be MUCH thinner'.

I am almost two months post-pregnancy and while I am fitting back into my old clothes just fine (there are perks to breast feeding), I have been asking myself if I was really happy with my body pre-second-pregnancy. And seriously, how long can I hold onto the crutch of 'I look okay for JUST having a baby'?

I have had never had the crazy yo-yo weight problems, but I have gone up or down 10 to 15 pounds through the course of my life, and these gains and losses were mostly associated with major events in life: break-up with high-school boyfriend (down 10 to 15)), starting university/moving away from home  (up 15 - as in frosh 15), meeting PC (down 10), and finally a year of hell on French training (up 10).  I am anticipating that having two kids could also go on that list, but I am hoping the weigh goes down instead of up.

Throughout my life, I have been active, but never stuck to one exercise program that gained a ton of results. I use to go to the gym in University but even then, it was always at my convenience.  I don't think I am a gym person to be honest.  The idea of going to the gym, and saying you went to the gym sits well with me, but the actually function of going there does not in the least bit excite me.

I have never been a runner, but I think I want to start running when the snow clears. I don't know why, because you couldn't have paid me any amount of money to run in my early school days. I hated track n' field and cross-country running. Ab.sol.ute.ly hated it. But for some reason, I feel like this is something I can do now that I am older and maybe even enjoy?  (I'll keep you posted on this one FOR SURE).

I think while the exercising will come, its the eating that I really need to get a grip on.  Right now, I think E has been wearing off on me with his need for 'treat-ties' every hour on the hour.  I have come to be that way since the beginning of the third trimester of my pregnancy.  I had a treat every afternoon and sometimes early evening and felt I could because I was pregnant. Now, post-pregnancy, my body is still craving those treats, and I have a hard time telling it NO. I am constantly wanting to snack on high-calorie, high-sugar/salt treats - and the real problem is, I have them in the house so they are easily accessible (even though I like to think I have self-control).

I'm still breast-feeding but I am hoping to get out of that business in the next couple months, so the while I can get away with the extra calories now with little consequences, its going to be a sad reality when I get my boobs back, and there is no where for the weight to go except to straight to my hips, ass, and stomach (a moment on the lips forever on the hips).

Do any of you struggle with the snacking factor, or weight gain and loss? Any tips, advice, secrets? I would love to hear for any beginner runners too, if there is any advice for people like me who are *thinking* of starting out.

My Second Labour Story

Well, its been four weeks since I gave birth to my second precious baby boy, and as promised, I am ready to share the details of this labour and delivery. Grab a coffee.. its a bit of a long one!

You may recall my labour story with E's arrival, that ended with a fairly traumatic delivery...which I can now look back and say it was all worth it, but it still not a labour & delivery fairytale - that's for sure.

This time around was so much different from my first experience.  For one, I had to be induced as labour didn't come on naturally. This was frustrating in a way, because of the waiting.  I had an induction scheduled for the 15th of December, but the hospital got extremely busy that morning and so my induction was pushed back. I was pretty bummed about this... as the anticipation was at an all time high on the morning of the 15th, but nonetheless, waiting one more day was pain free... which was nice.

Prior to my induction date, lots of people wished me well and hoped that I didn't have to be induced, but I would say induction is the way to go in a sense, because in my experience, its a gradual labour and for the most part is always monitored and under control (especially if you opt for an epidural).

So.. the morning of the 16th, we got the call at 7:15 am from my good friend and nurse SS9 to come in to the hospital to get the induction underway.  The hospital was still extremely busy and the triage nurse wasn't overly happy to see me, but I explained we were called to come in and she reluctantly agree to put me on a monitor while she got to the bottom of my story.  After being on the monitor SS9 arrived to explain the situation to the triage nurse and let us know that although there wasn't a room available at the moment, there were many rooms freeing up over the morning, so to come back in a bit and she would admit us to get the induction going.

The hospital was busy, and our good friends Vicki and Toubi were actually occupying one of the rooms in the hospital as they delivered their baby boy, Tomi the day before. We visited it with them and then PC and I had some Timmy's breakfast and then waited around for a bit before SS9 came to bring us to our room.

By this time it was 10:00ish, and by 10:30 I was in a gown and the resident OB, was breaking my water.  As she broke my water, we learned that the baby had already pooped... so although not a big concern, it was a definite sign the baby was ready to come out.

The plan after my water was broke, was to WAIT for the contractions to come on by themselves. At the time I was only 2 cms dilated, so if the contractions didn't start to intensify naturally, then they would put an IV in and put me on the drip (oxytocin) to help me along.

PC and I walked around, we visited with our friends, and while I was leaking water with every step, contractions were not really present or anywhere near intense.  This went on for a couple of hours, and while I was having the odd pain, I could tell I really wasn't dilating anymore, so they administered the IV and started the oxytocin. Contractions came on close together but not very intense at all. They checked me again, and I was 4.5 cms at around 3:30. The kept upping the drip, and soon the contractions were 2 minutes apart but again not too painful or intense (in comparison to my contractions with E).  After a short conversation with SS9 I decided that I would get the epidural now ... so that I could ensure I would get it while the going was good, and not be SOL later if things decided to process quickly.

By 6pm I had the epidural... and was feeling no pain whatsoever.  I was 5 cms and at the half way point, 8 hours after my water had broke. The epidural procedure hurt a bit more than my previous labour, I think because the contractions were not so hot n' heavy this time around that I was able to focus more on what the anesthesiologist was doing, which was not overly pleasant! Nevertheless... he got it done and I was very thankful for his work!

I think SS9 upped the drip again, and again. and again. Contractions were showing on the monitor as being 2 minutes apart but when the doctor checked me at 8pm, I was still only 5 cms.  I was holding back a few tears when the resident explained to me that if I didn't show any progress in the next couple of hours I could be headed for a c-section as it could become dangerous for the baby at some point.  I didn't want to have a c-section after waiting all. damn. day. for baby to arrive.  If I was going to have a c-section, we could have just done that at 10:30 am and be sleeping peacefully by now.

After the 8 pm check-in by the resident, we discussed maybe trying to get some rest while I waited to dilate more. She said she would come back at 10 to check me again, and we would devise a game plan for the rest of the night then.

My parents and my in-laws were at the hospital waiting, so they decided to go for coffee in the lobby for a few hours while I was to be resting.  I think they all thought it was going to be a long night so why not load up on caffeine to keep them going. PC went with them... and I told him I would message him on his phone if anything was happening.

During the time I was suppose to be resting, SS9 I got to chatting, catching up on things, and I was talking to friends on BBM. Around 8:30 the OB that was working the night shift came to see me and explained to me that she was prepared to be extra patient with second babies, because my first was delivered vaginally. She reassured me that if I showed a bit of progress in the next couple of hours, we could wait it out. That put me at ease, but I was still thinking there was no way this baby was going to be born on the 16th at the rate I was progressing (or not progressing).

Around 9ish SS9 maxed out the oxytocin, but again I wasn't feeling a thing so it made no difference to me. At 9:30 she left the room to go get a quick snack and to find the doctor to come in at 10.  She wasn't gone 10 minutes when I all of sudden started feeling a ton of pressure. At 9:50, I messaged PC to come back to the room because I was having all of this pressure suddenly and the doctor was to come in at 10. I told him to tell our parents to come up after 10 when the doctor would have already checked me.

SS9 returned to the room at about 9:50 pm, she sarcastically asked me how I was doing and to her surprise, I said I had A LOT of pressure in my butt. She got that look in her eye and said 'Really? Let's check'.  I was 10 cms and the head was very low.  SS9 took off out of the room to get the doctor and PC. Before I knew it, they were in the room, the resident checked me and confirmed I was definitely 10cms and ready to push.

I started pushing at 9:58 pm and 17 minutes later at 10:15 pm, Hudson was in my arms and crying that sweet sweet cry that was so reassuring.

It happened VERY quickly. So quickly that when our parents returned to the room, they were waiting outside thinking the doctor was checking me, when in fact, they were stunned to find out that their newest grandson had already arrived.

I think I was shocked too that he was actually in my arms and looking at me. He literally just flew out after making us wait all that time.  To say labour was quick and painless, would be fairly accurate. Of course there was some pain and a lot of waiting, but when it came to actual delivery - it was quite fast which meant no time for pain.

I have to say, this delivery would not have been possible without SS9... she A. got us admitted to the hospital, B. got labour started, and C. was still working a full 15 hours after she first called us that morning. She was the best coach, and is a superstar nurse and even better friend! Thanks SS9... could not have done it without you.

 

As I said before, this experience was so much different from when I had E. This labour reassured me that childbirth doesn't have to be traumatic and can be a wonderful experience. 

I give a ton of credit as well to the resident doctor, Dr. Jennifer Brown-Broderick who delivered H. She has an awesome bedside manner and overall wonderful coach during the actual delivery. She was really great, and put me at ease and ensured the arrival of H didn't cause my body too much wear and tear ;-).

PC was also the best... I think he puts other husband's to shame in the delivery room as he is very comfortable in the medical setting, and for me he is a calming influence and great partner to have by my side.  

I am 99.9% sure this will be the last time I have a labour story to share with you... but if by narrow narrow narrow chance I had to end up doing it again, I would want to repeat this story to you! 

Thanks for reading... I have spent the last month falling in love with my little boy and being even more in love with my little family of boys! I'm definitely outnumbered but wouldn't have it any other way.

Pass the kleenex please!

Can someone please explain why your body and hormones don't return to *normal* after pregnancy. It's been 15 months since I gave birth, and my teary eyed hormone (if that's a hormone) is still all out of whack.

What is the deal?

Before pregnancy, I basically was neck in neck with Stone Heart for teary eyeness - but since I got pregnant - I just well up at the drop of a hat, and I don't foresee this reaction going anywhere anytime soon.

I remember driving in my car at 5 months pregnant and listening to the CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario) radio-a-thon. I was bawling listening to parents talk about how CHEO saved their son's life. Nobody died, nobody was fighting any disease -their family was in complete good health now, and there I was sobbing at the thought of what could have happened if CHEO was not around.

I knew at the time, it was just hormones, and I totally thought - push this baby out, and go back my Stone Heart ways.

However, an entire year later, I am still crying over the little sappy things. For instance, I watched Baby Story over the weekend.. and I was crying at the moment the mother pushed out her baby and saw him for the first time. It brought me right back to my delivery moment - and it was as if I had just delivered E. Brutal I tell you.

Last week at work, a woman who has worked for the government for 36 years retired. We threw her a surprise party and when she walked in she started crying, to which I started crying - who does that. I hate that. I look like a loser. I had to tell people I was teary eyed because I know I still have 25 years left until my surprise retirement party!

One other piece that is guaranteed to make me sob is watching this video on You Tube. It's a piece from Kelly Corrigan's book The Middle Place... and its just about woman and friendships and life in general - but every time I watch it, I can't help but cry. You would think after the 4th or 5th time I would be able to get through it without any tears - but that's just not the case. Pre-pregnancy I would have watched and said, that's nice... but post-pregnancy I am a leaky faucet.

I guess my only hope for recovery is that a second pregnancy would throw me so outta whack again - that it might put me back to my pre-pregnancy Stone Heart state. But... since a second baby isn't in the works for a while, I guess I better stock up on Kleenex!

Do any of you get this? I want a coping mechanism ... suggestions?

Shedding ...

I am not sure if its the time of year, or my post-pregnancy hormones catching up with me, but I am shedding hair everywhere these days.

Last month, I decided to go and get my hair cut, after cleaning up about 5,000 stray hairs off the bathroom floor. I think in my head, I thought it was the evidence that I needed to remind myself how badly I needed a hair cut. I figured, I would get it cut, and the stray hairs would be eliminate themselves.

Boy, was I wrong.

I think the hair that is falling out has doubled... its everywhere. I clean my brush every day and it looks like I have combined a golden retriever at least 50 times. It covers the bathroom mats, I find it all over my pillow, on the blankets, on E's blankets, and probably most notably as I was cleaning E's dirty bum this morning, a stray hair trapped in the poop - groooooooooooss!

I don't know what to do... I have a read a few things about hair loss, and that it is natural. I have thick hair and I've always considered it to be healthy, but the amount of hair I am losing these days leads me to wonder how healthy I really am in the hair department.

I know during pregnancy, I lost practically no hair at all... I didn't see much change in my hair then, but now its everywhere. PC couldn't be more annoyed about it either. He is constantly telling me to clean the drain in the shower (and he means it too)... he's pretty disgusted by the whole thing, and to be honest I am getting pretty sick of it too. I am just wondering how much longer this massive shed is gonna go on for?

Any ideas?

The rings go back on...

You may remember this post from back in July... the one where I was pretty disappointed that my rings did not fit my finger anymore, and I had to take them off due to pregnancy.

I am happy to report that today... THE RINGS ARE BACK ON!

Yes... that's right, I FINALLY got my wedding band to slide back over my knuckle and for the first time today, I have worn my wedding rings as a set for the entire day.

It's a great day to be alive... isn't it!!

You might laugh but trying on my wedding rings was one of the first things I did when I got out of the hospital after E was born. They didn't fit, they didn't even come close to fitting. I gave it a few days... but after being home for week, I would try them on every. single. day after getting out of the shower. For the first couple of weeks I couldn't budge the little buggers over my knuckle... not even close. Then slowly a week or so later my engagement ring did fit over my knuckle but the wedding band was still way too snug (as its half a size smaller for some reason).

Then finally... last week, the wedding band did go over my knuckle but when I would put the engagement band on in front of it, my finger would swell and it felt like I was losing circulation in my entire hand - so I just wore the engagement ring out and left the wedding band on the dresser.

BUT, today... today was a magnificent day here at the Coleman household, the wedding ring SET slid on my finger with ease, and circulation was not an issue at all.

Just as you, my faithful readers predicted - they would go back on, and they did, and they are...

SING IT:

the rings are back on, the rings are back on - do a little dance, make a little love NEVER MIND! That's a whole other blog... but who cares THE RINGS ARE BACK ON!