Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The one on break-ups and marriages!

It seems lately that many people/couples I know are splitting up... and there doesn't seem to be one formula over the other as to why these break-ups have occurred, they just have.

This isn't the first series of break-ups that I've heard about either, it seems every couple of years there is a spree of them, and it always leaves me asking my myself two things: how did this happen? and how do I avoid it from happening to me?

I think the most painful thing to watch is a couple split up after years and years of marriage... which is where my first question comes in, how did this happen? But I also ask this question over and over again when I hear about friends my age splitting up after only a couple of years of marriage. How do couples go from being in love and having a beautiful wedding, followed by (in some cases) a couple of children, and then bingo-bango-boom ... splitsville? I'm always left feeling sorry for them, and their kids, as I don't think its what either party envisioned when they said I do.

I know each relationship is unique and I am betting these former couples don't have the answers, and truly the answers wouldn't really matter, but these examples get me thinking about how to avoid this from happening in my own marriage.

While I like to believe PC and I have a relationship that will last us well beyond the grave, there are no guarantees in life and that is SCARY.  I really really REALLY don't want our marriage to fall apart EVER, and I don't want our boys to come from a broken home either, but its very eye opening to hear what others have gone through that has led them done the path to divorce, and to not wonder to yourself, am I on that course and don't even know it?

I think one of the biggest things in a relationship/marriage is communication.... on all topics. And I know I can be the worst communicator (Comm's degree n' all) when it comes to my own relationships/friendships/family-ships, but I see the need to get better at it. As the years go on, I want to build up that communication trait in me, because in the end, it may be a key tool in saving any relationship from disaster.

One thing that I will openly admit that PC does better than me is communicating. He will call me out with I am being bitchy, unreasonable, or closing the door on a chance to talk.  I hold a grudge easily, where he likes to discuss the grudge quickly so we can move on to martial bliss again.  Its a fine line, and thankfully, its not one we have to cross very often, but from time to time we do get in a rut and if it weren't for his efforts, I could see my grudges derailing our relationship quicker than I'd like.  The funny thing about it is that I also think these different traits in both of us are what makes our marriage work to some degree... much in the same way that he is the handyman where I'm the interior designer of the relationship. We both bring strengths to our marriage, and at the end of the day, its these strengths that make us click, and function as a unit.

Don't get me wrong, our marriage is in no way perfect, we have our moments, we argue, and disagree from time to time, but the majority of days we go to bed at night feeling 'in love'. And it's a good feeling... one that I want to last forever, and I have faith that it will... BUT, there is always that tiny part of me that wonders, will it really?

Do any of you have thoughts like this in your own relationships? or have any advice/secrets to keep relationships healthy and running well into the golden years? It seems rare these days that couples celebrate their 40 or 50th wedding anniversary, but I truly want to be a member of that elite group.

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