Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I am a bad person.

Yesterday driving home, I was thinking how content I am with my life - I am really in a good spot these days, a far cry from this time last year, when I was borderline suicidal over my french training. But that low period in my life seems to be behind me and I am truly feeling good about my life.... that was, up until I opened yesterday's mail last night, only to discover an envelope from the Office of the Attorney General. I wondered to myself:

Shit... what the hell is this?

The thoughts that immediately came to mind were:

Some dumb camera caught me running that red light at Riverside and Hunt Club last week... or maybe worse I'm being charge with possession of stolen property for some 'deal' PC got us - GOOD LORD.

As I ripped open the envelope, it reads:

As a Canadian citizen, it is your civic duty to respond to a jury summons and, if chosen, to serve as a juror. You are not "going to court", and you are not being punished. This summons is for the jury duty selection process only.

It would only be fitting that I actually thought to myself on the same day 'life is good', only to find out life might not be so good if I have to perform my 'civic duty', as the letter so gently puts it, and actually participate in our justice system.

Attached to the letter was the selection questionnaire. I was thinking to myself, perhaps there is something that will disqualify me from the ideal candidate pool, but no such luck: Canadian citizen: check, bilingual: check, employed: check, over 18: check. Every single question there is makes me look like a 'good candidate' - DAMN IT.

I think this is the only time in my life I wish I had been 'previously convicted of an indictable offence for which I have not been granted a pardon', but again, no such luck... its just little old me, the good law-abiding citizen that I am.

And of course, there is no comment section of the bottom of the form where I can discredit my own character by adding 'I drive like a maniac when I am late for work in the mornings. I repeatedly roll through stop signs on the back roads in Embrun. And... in the self-serve check-out line at Loblaws, I register the expensive red peppers as green peppers just save a dollar.'

Nope... they basically only take into account your yes and no answers, and for what I can tell, unless they want a foreign, unemployed, unilinigual, previous criminal on their jury, I am a shoe-in for the job.

This is the point in time where I decided to make a post on the blog, in hopes that someone at the Office of the Attorney General will Google my name, see my blog and this post, and immediately disqualify me from the process for publicly talking about jury selection.

So you if happen to be here on behalf of the Attorney General, let me take this opportunity to formally welcome you... please do, take a moment to browse around and check out previous posts, especially the ones with photos: like the fishing ones from the cottage this summer - I did not have a valid fishing license for that, OR, the photos from our trip to Boston, we didn't claim half the stuff we bought in U.S! I don't think it should take you long to see that I am not a good person - sometimes I don't know how I live with myself, I lack moral reasoning most of the of time... I am a bad person - really. really. bad.

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