Friday, April 04, 2008

Throwing Caution to the Wind

Editor's Note: This is a post that I wrote several months ago just documenting some thoughts I had at the time about getting in the frame of mind of starting a family. I knew I wouldn't post it the day I wrote it, but now that we are expecting our first child, I thought it might be neat to share it.

Written October 3, 2007

This is a post I have been wanting to write for a while, one that I have been thinking about pretty regularly over the past few weeks, but yet one that I know I will not post for a while.

For the record, I am not pregnant, but I believe I am in that state of pre-pregnancy that I refer to as 'throwing caution to the wind'. As I like to say, we are now being 'cautiously uncautious'.

PC and I have actively stopped using any form of birth control (please Mom and Dad, stick with me here!), which means that we are somewhat comfortable with the fact that if I was to get pregnant we wouldn't be shocked or upset, but as I said, comfortable with the thought of becoming parents.

It's a time in my life that is exciting... mentally. I feel really content to think that, although scared of the thought of child birth, I want to be a Mom to a baby conceived out of love and commitment and all those sappy things that come along with a good marriage. The fact that I can nurture a baby in my own body is something that is exciting and many of my thoughts these days drift towards what our baby would be like - what type of parents we would be - what type of relationship we would have as parents.

My excitement is of course much different from PC's, because with this decision, his sex life just got a whole better - which is pretty much every man's dream. We are both excited, but I can see his excitement is different from mine.

It's scary to think that in my life I have reached this point of maturity where I actually think I can be a parent. Of course, I often second guess myself when I see a kid in our neighbourhood walk past the house with jet black hair, shaved up into a mohawk, leather coat with studs all over it, and a smoke hanging out of his mouth at the tender age of 15... all the while I am thinking: what is stopping my kid from turning out like that?

Parenting, and becoming parents isn't a cake walk, but beyond seeing those kids that you wonder: who are their parents? - I think we are ready for this challenge, and this is a type of excitement that exceeds any other in my lifetime.

It's scary to think of the heartache and misfortunes that are very possible with pregnancy, but I am from the belief system that says: everything that happens, happens for a reason. I believe the saying goes 'it's by taking chances that we learn to brave' - and I would hate to close off this option in my life for fear of the unknown. In this situation, if misfortunes arise, I know that PC and I will get through it together - because we are brave individuals, and together we are even stronger.

Yes... as we now actively throw caution to the wind - I am giddy, the wondering and the guessing of if/when I will become pregnant is a whole new chapter in my life - the first of very long book that I have yet to write, or a few thousands post that I have yet to compose.

I know today, no one will read this, but I really wanted to put my thoughts together in a post for me, just for me now, but hopefully for all of you later - to support the announcement of a baby on the way! Yay!

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