Here goes nothing...

Back to work.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I am fifty-one percent looking forward to it, and forty-nine percent dreading it.

Its one of those things that when I sit back and think about it... I will NEVER have another time in my life where I can just 'be' ... be at home with my sweet boys, be dedicated to being a Mom and only a Mom, and be unconcerned with my professional career.

By returning to work, I have to actively think about work (which isn't a bad thing) but I also have to juggle the challenges at the office with that of being a Mom. Trying to maintain all the things at home, but also taking into account my career and the energy required to excel in that environment.

I think the part of me that is dreading the return is that I know something has to slip at home.  I can't possibly keep up everything I've done in the past year, when the good portion of my day is spent at the office - and I remember going back to work after my time off with E... through the week, the only time you see your children is when they are at the lowest part of their day (cranky time before supper... rush rush rush to get them to bed for a decent night's sleep). That in itself is an adjustment as you are constantly wondering if being a working Mom is worth it when your kids spend forty-five percent of their time with you whining or in tears. 

For me, I know that I enjoy my career... and I enjoy my office (or at least I did a year ago), and my boys will only be young like this for a short period. I know its manageable but I do live in the dream world where I wish my full-time dedication to them didn't have to end just yet!

I've had a great year with both of my boys. In September E will be off to school, and by that time H will be a walking talking machine.  In just nine short months so much in our daily routine is going to change again... so its best not to dwell on what isn't anymore and focus on what is... and how to conquer the challenge that is a new daily routine.

In preparation for tomorrow, I have managed to check quite a few things off my list in the last couple of days... Christmas tree and decorations are down and put away, PC and I did a three level mega-toy organization... and now our living room doesn't look like we robbed a toy store anymore.  I also put away a lot our Christmas presents (as in PC and I), did ALL the laundry... kids, adults, sheets, towels, blankets - you name it, its been washed!  I managed to make a great supper tonight, grocery shop for supper meals for the coming nights, and make my lunch (which I haven't done in forever). We also ate supper at 5:00 today (which never happens), PC had the boys bathed by 6:30, and E was sleeping by 7:30, with H going down at 8:30.  Not sure if its the back to work thing or the New Year that has us so well organized today... but whatever the case is I like it.

Just have to locate my work pass, figure out an outfit for the AM, set the Keurig of Auto ON/OFF ... and I'll be rolling out the door tomorrow morning at 7 AM as if I am off to the lottery office to pick up my big cheque!

Wish me luck... cause here goes nothing!